the work of anti-racism for white christians is inherently heart-work, it's the denial of self that necessitates addressing shame at every step of the way. the vulnerability of it all is unimaginable to those who pray for safety and protection.

for white immigrants like us, the layers of shame run with even more complexity. on the one hand, we fully embrace the benefits of whiteness early on, and so, feel the burden of that responsibility in the more honest moments

on the other hand, we feel the shame of the expectations from the sacrifices and troubles our parents lived through to get us to our newfound comfort and protection

anti-racist work demands more courage, more faith than mere self-preservation that feels natural to a white christian. it requires a living out of ideas that can threaten that safety. this is why conspiracy theories are so popular among white christians today.

but to face shame, to "divide the heart", like Solzhenitsyn says to, and not merely seek out all the evil people out there who seek to harm you--this is where true anti-racism for white christians has to begin. anything else is wasteful at best, and truly deeply harmful at worst

what I am trying to say is, gospel in america today, while it is being made to seem so vile and self-serving by some, can actually illuminate all the wounds (personal and social and structural and historical) we still corroding the church

and the vileness of the gospel that many live out w their faith profession, serves to expose the shame that keeps that wound alive. in the words of the prophet fiona apple, "evil is a relay sport, when the one who's burnt turns to pass the torch"

brené brown says, the opposite of shame is empathy. where shame exists, empathy is absent. so when we talk to white christians about the perils of black people in america, we cannot be surprised at the ugly backlash. this is how shame operates, it stifles humanity.

brene brown also provides a solution: shame resilience that's made possible by talking about shame in an environment that maintains human connection: it liberates, builds trust, and allows for new behaviors. "shame corrodes the part of us that believes that we can change"

when james baldwin talks about white guilt, he also directs the responsibility of shame back to the white man/woman/christian. often the power of our shame is maintained by the denial, by the silence around it, the fear that once i expose the red hot wire of it all, i will die

the real bite of it all, is that bible never promoted safety and self-preservation the way white christians have. by stifling and starving ourselves from this heart-work, we are stifling the very faith we profess. we are not only harming our siblings of faith who live in racism

but we essentially have to watch ourselves become the villain. we are the older brothers envying the feast that we "labored" for and yet someone we see as less deserving gets to be celebrated. it is so very ugly and yet looking at our shame will be the thing to liberate us.

anti-racist work will go on with or without white christians, but the damage that our lack of self-awareness brings forth will continue to harm and debilitate our own faith first. it's not about philanthropy or missions or generosity, it's about addressing the

dead bodies in the temple, as Soong-Chan Rah writes in Prophetic Lament-- we have been worshipping in the temple, ignoring the dead bodies that have gone unlamented, unaddressed, unspoken.

"at a funeral, there is a dead body in the room. you've got to deal with the dead body."

when we worship God and ignore the ways that our history and present day ramifications of that history have used the word of God to justify systemic violence and killing, what is our worship?

i am also not promoting individualistic efforts to "divide the heart" or parcel through individual symptoms of shame in the privacy of your own mind, home, heart. "a social wound needs a social balm." (back to brene brown) so we need to seek our and create spaces for that

/end of rant!! ty for your time