Read on Twitter
I realise it sounded like I wanted a full on pity party and I apologise, yet thank you all for your kind words. Heres a little thread just explaining the horrible sitch and why I felt the way I did, and why at the end of the day Im still here to annoy you all. Much love https://twitter.com/SerBuckley/status/1281935529299398669
Without getting too into the teen drama details last week wifey and I accidentally found some real life friends of mine secretly follow this account and had been screenshotting certain tweets and sharing them amongst each other, maybe to mock or ridicule or whatever....
... (Hi, if you are still snooping in here btw) Anyway it was a pretty big shock and felt a bit like a betrayal. I dont generally discuss my writing or the Isle with any of my friends and certainly havent told them about my twitter, so to find theyd been mocking or sharing...
...did not feel great. It felt bloody awful. I was embarrassed, I felt stupid, and tweeting now held no fun for me because I felt there'd always be this 'whos reading, whos saving and sharing' cloud over my head the whole time. That feeling extended out to my book and the cast..
...too. all of it felt tainted and childish and stupid. I didnt wanna do any of it. You dont need to be a detective to see I have very low self esteem or confidence ESPECIALLY in this area of all areas. So I spent most of the weekend debating whether to shut the account...
...and the podcast down. And stop sending out book queries. I just wanted to get away from that awful feeling. The one you get when youve been cheated on, you know? Anyway, it took a couple of days of being low and some high-level comforting/talking to by my wife and mother...
...as well as all you guys, to get me around. When today rolled up with time to record, I just recorded. Im still tweeting. Wife and mother told me to just be me, and here I am. That cloud is still there. The friends might be reading,saving, sharing, memeing...
...but I guess I just have to go forward pretending they are not, and not letting others dictate how to live your life. Im still sad about what went down. I havent talked to them about it and wont (British upper lip and all that). I cant promise it wont crimp me again at...
...some point, but for now im sticking with my passion and with you guys. Thank you to wifey and mother especially. I have to say it was the notion of stopping with the book after everything thats gone into it that really woke me up, but you were all big part of it too. I will..
...try and reply to you all today. You are wonderful. Thank you for allowing space and time. I still have the lightning hunger in me to write, so we're doing something right. Your pal, ye olde Buckler
