Read on Twitter
a personal thread about my art career so far:
after 3 years of studying in an animation course, 2 years of working in the creative industry, 1 year after quitting, I’ve applied for non-creative job position today.
I am feeling immense guilt and betrayal against myself
after 3 years of studying in an animation course, 2 years of working in the creative industry, 1 year after quitting, I’ve applied for non-creative job position today.
I am feeling immense guilt and betrayal against myself
it’s an admin/hr position, and it pays good. I understand getting a day job for a stable salary is common, and I’m all for it.
I’m just taken off guard by what my emotions and brain are doing to me right now
I’m just taken off guard by what my emotions and brain are doing to me right now
I left my fulltime position at a studio due to the toxic environment and long work hours. Working until 4am in the mornings, no overtime pay. Constant animosity between employees and the bosses.
It was exhausting, and it broke my passion for this industry
It was exhausting, and it broke my passion for this industry
I mustered my courage and quit. Got a therapist, and spent the next year recovering at home. I was skittish, very anxious, and terrified of applying for another job due to my experiences. I had the fortune of living with my parents and enough savings to tide me over
Covid19 extended my hiatus and before I knew it it’s been a full year. And I’m coming to terms that I lost my passion in animating and graphic design, and realised it’s been building from since art school
But I still love illustration. I didn’t have the chance to pursue it in my course (it was all focused on 3D and character animation), and didn’t have the chance to do it for work too (mostly motion design, 3D and production work)
I love background painting and color design. I love illustrative and editorial work. I’m bitter that I wasn’t allowed the chance to realise it sooner
But I’m working towards it now. I do plein air and follow digital painting tutorials at night. I’m trying my best to catch up
But I’m working towards it now. I do plein air and follow digital painting tutorials at night. I’m trying my best to catch up
My goal after clawing myself out from depression was to get a simple day job so I can do what I love at night and study with my free time. I want my passion and motivation back. I want that snuffed out flame to spark up again
I guess the point is I’m feeling so weird and somewhat ashamed after spending so long fantisizing about the arts industry since young, having worked in it, and ended up dipping out directly
it’s like quiting cold turkey after being addicted to something
it’s like quiting cold turkey after being addicted to something
Anyways, this isn’t a sad thread. Emotions aside, I’m content with what I’m doing right now. I’m looking forward to trying out a new job role, and happy that I’ll get a decent salary and enough free time to do what I love.
And when I’m ready again, I’ll be back with a portfolio I’m happy with, and come crashing back into the creative industry to do what I actually want to do in the first place
Here’s to 2021
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Here’s to 2021
(I hope this thread will help someone out there too, who’s doubting themselves and their current position in life
It’s cool. You’re not alone. Life works out eventually so take care of yourself!)
It’s cool. You’re not alone. Life works out eventually so take care of yourself!)
