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I share stories about me being ex-terf from time to time, because I hope it will show that it’s entirely possible to grow out of it. My own personal terfness was born out of insecurity with my own gender. I never felt “enough” as a women. 1/
Not thin enough. Not pretty enough. Not desired enough. Not shiny-haired, perky-bosomed or clear-skinned enough. Not enough MEN interested in looking at me or listening to me. 2/
When I became aware of trans people (trans women if I’m being honest) I felt properly afraid that these people whom I thought of as men were being allowed to co-opt womanhood, dilute the language of womanhood... 3/
...and right at the bottom of the subconscious pile of shite - that “they” seemed to have more right to call themselves women than I did! 4/
Hello scarcity mindset. 
When humans don’t feel there’s enough to go around, we cling desperately to what little we have, and we FIGHT for it. 5/
When humans don’t feel there’s enough to go around, we cling desperately to what little we have, and we FIGHT for it. 5/
So there I was, feeling like a rubbish woman because despite my conscious outward feminism, I had still internalised a hell of a lot of crap that told me my worth as a woman was basically = how good I look to the menz. 6/
...of course if you’d told me that at the time, I would have been like HOW VERY DARE YOU I AM A PROUD FEMINIST AND I SCORN YOUR PATRIARCHAL IDEALS OF BEAUTY! 7/
Yes, consciously in my rational brain I did believe that. But silently right at the back of my lizard brain I still craved attention, love and validation from men. 8/
Because women aren’t taught to believe they are “real”. From the moment we are born, society coaches us to become reflections of what men want us to be - not real live people. 9/
Our rational brain catches on to this first, as we wake up to the true extent of our suffering at the hands of men and the patriarchy. Behold the angry feminist awakening and the MEN ARE TRASH phase. 10/
In my experience this phase lasted a good five years, during which I thoroughly “othered” men and by extension trans women, whom of course I believed to be predatory men in dresses. Because MEN ARE TRASH, right? 11/
Before I lose all my trans friends forever. I would like to share a proper apology for this stage. It wasn’t good. I was self-absorbed, narcissistic and completely lacking in empathy. I am so sorry. 
12/
12/
It’s hard to describe how I evolved out of the men are trash phase. It involved a lot of painful soul-searching, shadow-facing and ultimately a 10 day trip to hospital with psychosis. 13/
I share that not for pity or drama, but to show how absolutely fucking terrifying the process of letting go of all that pain, anger and programming can be. Particularly for women who have suffered materially at the hands of men. 14/
But I made it out the other side. Newly real and somehow feeling like I was “enough” of a woman. And ta-daaa - suddenly trans women no longer feel like a threat. (Of course they never were) 15/
Because I had finally internalised that the patriarchal measure of womanhood is bullshit. I was free to properly let go of all the toxic programming and just let people be who they are, without it having to mean anything about me. 16/
Once you begin to believe there’s enough “realness” in womanhood to go round, and you’re comfortable with your own portion, it becomes easy to share. 17/
Once you move on from “men are trash” to “all people suffer terribly under patriarchy” it becomes possible to accept the suffering of particularly vulnerable groups rather than remaining attached to the feeling that you’re personally at the bottom of the pile. 18/
It becomes possible to engage in critical thinking and examine the evidence - that trans people are not inherently dangerous to women. That inclusivity benefits everybody. 19/
I mean, aren’t the benefits of inclusivity, equal rights and representation *exactly* what women have been trying to convince men of via feminism since, like, forever? 20/
So that’s my journey from terf, to trans-inclusive. Thank you to everybody who has helped me educate myself and become a better human to other humans. 21/
I feel no shame in sharing this story, because one of the truly wonderful parts of learning to accept yourself fully and becoming more “real” is learning how not to judge and hate yourself for not knowing stuff before you knew it. 22/
In the words of @BreneBrown (insert obligatory fangirl squeeee)...
I am here to get it right. Not to be right.
I am here to get it right. Not to be right.
I don’t want to assume this is all true for everybody who engages in terfy behaviour, but it was true for me. Hopefully my story speaks of hope that decent people will eventually make their way to acceptance, and move away from fear and hate.
End.
End.
