this is me tweeting abt the fact that i’ve had so many wtf worthy accidents and experiences that i should be dead so here’s a thread of those stories:

i got hit by a suburban white lady and she honked at me instead of helping so i walked home bleeding out from my knee while also walking my dog <3 (i was about 10 minutes away from my house and didn’t notice i was bleeding until i started stumbling)

i was on a rollercoaster and my harness came unlocked and so i had to hang on to the metal handlebars while my body was sliding out of my chair. nobody noticed that i almost fell to my death but it’s still one of my favorite rides <3

another time on a rollercoaster we were going through a loop and there were tracks like kinda near the exit of the loops and i like raised out of my seat and my head smashed into the track (i probably had a concussion bc i couldn’t remember common words for hours) <3

once i was bored and took 10 dayquil pills and at first it was great bc i felt like i was the smartest person to walk the earth but then my heart started being really fast and then drastically slowed and turns out my heart almost stopped <3

my sister and i were play fighting once and she shoved me off her bed and i hit my head on her metal frame and ended up blacking out <3

i got really bored one night and ate a clorox wipe. turns out if you eat more than about 10 you’ll die so i was fine but it still tasted like ass <3

i was trying to do my nails once and i got really frustrated bc i cant do my nails so i drank the nail polish remover. i thought my insides were literally dying. but i ended up not having enough remover to take the nail polish off my nails <3

i was at a birthday party and we were swimming in the pool on this big raft and i fell through the hole in the middle and started drowning and i went to the doctor because i wasn’t feeling well and turns out i got an ear infection bc of it <3

i drank hydrogen peroxide to see if it would feel cold on the way down. it did for like a second and then started burning <3

for a chunk my life in elementary school i ate only dirt, leaves, and pebbles for breakfast <3

i used to swallow pennies and plastic coins on the daily <3

i drank windex once. no bueno <3

i swallowed a bunch of aleve pills to see if i’d go numb bc my knee was hurting and it felt like i was walking on the moon for like half an hour <3

end of thread