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Hey all! Let's chat about Asexual folx in kink!
This is a subject that often surprises or confuses people, mainly due to two common myths:
1. All aces are celibate.
and
2. All kink is sexual.
Let's discuss these before we dive on in!
This is a subject that often surprises or confuses people, mainly due to two common myths:
1. All aces are celibate.
and
2. All kink is sexual.
Let's discuss these before we dive on in!
Firstly, an asexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction, or experiences it extremely rarely, or maybe only under a very specific set of circumstances!
Notice how this specifically refers to attraction.
Notice how this specifically refers to attraction.
Attraction =/= Action!
Depending on the person, aces can be just as sexually active as anyone else. It all comes down to individuals.
Aces of any sort can have one night stands, sex free relationships, be swingers, or refrain from physical intimacy entirely! They're still ace!
Depending on the person, aces can be just as sexually active as anyone else. It all comes down to individuals.
Aces of any sort can have one night stands, sex free relationships, be swingers, or refrain from physical intimacy entirely! They're still ace!
Not to mention celibacy generally has religious connotations and implies giving something up, which again, isn't relevant because attraction =/= action.
And don't even get me started on the purity culture myth of virginity. We get that a lot too.
And don't even get me started on the purity culture myth of virginity. We get that a lot too.
Time for the second myth: All kink is sexual!
Kink is an exploration of sensations that are shunned by society, be them release with intense sexual acts, tickling, fighting, pain, or any number of things. Yes, kink CAN be about sex, but for many people it isn't always!
Kink is an exploration of sensations that are shunned by society, be them release with intense sexual acts, tickling, fighting, pain, or any number of things. Yes, kink CAN be about sex, but for many people it isn't always!
Many kinks focus on what we refer to as "sensation play" in one form or another! Some people enjoy being restrained and feeling snug, some like to escape or be overpowered, or maybe they just like to feel the unbridled happiness of childhood again!
None of this requires sex!
None of this requires sex!
With those two things out of the way, it shouldn't be too surprising that some aces enjoy exploring a variety of sensations offered by kink!
Ace but not sure how to navigate your mixed feelings about platonic physical contact like snuggling? Cuddle parties exist!
Ace but not sure how to navigate your mixed feelings about platonic physical contact like snuggling? Cuddle parties exist!
Ace but you need your partner to take full control for you to be able to enjoy yourself? *gestures towards BDSM*
Or maybe you just want permission to feel angry, sad, or happy without having to think about societal restrictions while in a safe place that encourages you to do so!
Or maybe you just want permission to feel angry, sad, or happy without having to think about societal restrictions while in a safe place that encourages you to do so!
Kink isn't something everyone is interested in, but it is something that anyone willing can enjoy, including Asexual people!
If you're any flavor of Aspec and interested in/curious about/actively into kink, I started a Discord for folx like us to chat with like minded people! Feel free to reach out to me here or @ayalamoogsigan if you're interested! 18+ only, for obvious reasons. 
