There was a ? About how feminism/ womanism has affected your engagement in relationships and you as a partner. I’ve been mulling it over a bit today. I realized I hadn’t thought about it much recently despite experiencing LOTS of changes

Here goes:

1. The older I get, the more difficult it is for me to find cis men attractive in any romantic sense. Since I also don’t feel romantically inclined towards other genders, I think I may be aromantic BUT, in part, as a result of extensive relationship trauma and abuse.

If I even have an inkling of “wow he might be worth exploring”, a cis man will do something that reminds me I need not bother. Usually, it’s a clear violation of my womanhood or something in disrespect/disregard of my humanity. My feminism doesn’t allow for that

I used to give Black men, especially, more grace and opportunity bc I felt they’d been let down by the world. But then my feminism reminded me that I was, in ways, blaming their mothers and that makes me feel icky. I also positioned myself to serve their needs. Feminist no no

2. I have such low tolerance for even the slightest indication of bigotry. Growing as a feminist helped me expand my liberation praxis and so I don’t condone or even allow any indications of isms or phobias.

Theyre usually revealed the first conversation

As a result, I regularly find myself disgusted by them and the more it happens, the less it’s about individuals and more about the collective body.

This is also age-based bc I find younger cis men aren’t as likely to fumble the bag in five minutes like men my age

3. My feminism has made me feel safer in my queerness and so I’ve leaned into my attraction to people of other genders and I find everyone more attractive, physically and soulfully, than cishet men. Everyone. Every single other type of person is more attractive

4. My feminist praxis + my outspoken/ opinionated personality + my size and height + financial and emotional independence + my age = highly undesirable to cishet men.

As such, I don’t get a lot of meaningful, intentional attention from them these days

I don’t care how these men lie on social media to seem like they are woke, they do not want women like me and many of them actually resent our existence. My feminism has taught me why that is and has helped me better accept it for what it is. My feminism won’t let me settle.

5. The way I went about healing from my last relationship ended was through a feminist lens and what I learned about who I have been in relationships really opened my eyes to difficult truths.

I was not loving feministly, thus I was not loving at all.

The pressure feminist women feel to settle, acquiesce, labor emotionally, carry the load, etc is powerful & most cave to it just to have a companion or two. In doing so, we disrespect ourselves and my therapeutic process taught me I can never disrespect myself in such ways again

By rejecting the minimal scraps...the little basic nothingness most cishet men are socialized to offer women, I am loving myself in the most powerful way imaginable

I am saying NO and being guided by my feminist principle of decentering men’s wants and needs in my life

6. Feminism helped me better understand asexuality and aromanticism, which opened me up to better understanding my experiences and feelings

It also helped me grow stronger in kink, which has been a powerful tool for self-satisfaction and fulfillment