I can't really count the number of times I've typed out messages and tweets and words pertaining to my experience as a Malaysian-Indian woman, only to delete them because I felt that they didn't matter in the face of so many other issues, but in light of events today...

Malaysian-Indian girls are told from the time they're little they're too dark, to stay out of the sun, to drown themselves in sunblock to keep themselves "fair". To spend money on lighting products, because for some reason, being darker somehow equates with being ugly.

In school, we're called ugly, and worse, and feel horrible compared to our lighter-skinned peers. I didn't even realise I COULD be attractive for a long time, because of my race, my gender, my skin colour. Growing up in Malaysia I always felt "other" because I was "black"

T/W Sexual harassment
I still vividly remember being told once by a boy I liked in my friend group, while joking around that he might like me saying he'd never have sex with me because I was "black", but he'd let me give him a blowjob instead.

There is rampant colourism in Asia (and the world) today, and Malaysia is no exception. You can adore the K-Wave (I stan a lot of people myself) but you should also acknowledge how harmful the notion is that light skin equates with attractiveness, or even with value.

Colourism isn't just a beauty or attractiveness thing. People's perceptions are affected by it. I always feel I HAVE to be good at things because if I'm not, I'm failing as one of the few Indians in the environments I'm in. It's like I'm failing everyone.

And today, Ms Kasthuri was told that because she was darker skinned she shouldn't be heard. She's an MP, a literal representation of the people, yet someone thought it was appropriate to act like her words had no meaning because she had darker skin. What the HECK is that?

How has this country evolved where someone in Parliament, a place where we are meant to decide the most crucial things in our country, even thinks it's acceptable to THINK something like that? It's because racism is just part of being Malaysian I guess.

In light of the worldwide BLM movement, you would think people cared more, would look more to minorities, to women, to people who are oppressed and silenced, and try to elevate their voices. But no, that obviously isn't the case here.

I realise that actions matter, that we need to constantly educate ourselves, that racism is so much more than what I thought it was, that there is a large overlap between misogyny and racism. Being not racist isn't enough, we as a people need to learn to be anti-racist.

The fact that Mr Syed Saddiq is trending as opposed to Ms Kasthuri honestly just makes me think that most people don't care about Indian women here. I'm saying this as a literal eighteen-year-old, that imo, it isn't as hard to be heard as a youth as it is an Indian woman.

Also, Ms @hannahyeoh I support a lot of what you say, but I feel the "Natural is most beautiful" comment is really off. Wearing makeup is a personal choice. It doesn't make you any more or less beautiful than anyone else.

Women should be allowed to.. exist? To do their jobs, like what Ms Kasthuri was doing today. Her beauty has nothing to do with it. Beauty isn't the currency we pay to exist in this world, and women, particularly minority women, should never they have to be beautiful to be heard.

Lastly I'd like to say, Ms @KasthuriPatto honestly, thank you for being there. Thank you for fighting for women's rights, thank you for being visible as a Malaysian-Indian woman. Thank you for reminding me that voices like my own matter. Just thank you.

I know no one's really going to see this, but honestly, I'm livid right now. I apologise for any spelling or grammatical errors, or if this doesn't really make sense. I just need to get my thoughts out. I'm tired of a lot of things. I just want to be heard, even to myself.