My big brother brought his gf home last year. She was an immediate hit. Said little, laughed much. A Master's degree student & banker. She would join my mom & her sisters in the kitchen. My old man would call us (me & my brother). This is what he had to say:

"It is probably in your own interest to extend as much regard to your partner's growth as you extend yours. Because at some point, this idolization of you will end & she'll need something to go back to. If it's not there, she will take it out on you..."

He said: "This is at the center of couple power struggle. That one partner, or both, get disillusioned - by unmet expectations: Things they set out to do for themselves, but failed to achieve. Either because they were obsessed with other's welfare, or because they got lazy".

"Either way, underlying self-disrespect creeps into them & they become fragile - increasingly sensitive. Words that didn't mean much previously suddenly become a source of conflict. Those partners feel like you can see their self-loathe and that you are insulting them..."

"Therefore, to avoid that, determine what she loves doing. Push her towards that. Commit resources to it. Let not the beginning & end of her life revolve around you. It is for this reason, I pushed your mother back to school even after she had given birth to all of you"

"Sooner or later, the blinding fog of worship goes & people seek to go back into themselves. If you don't plan for that, you will inevitably be the object of their derision & anger. They will fight for control. A happy person, makes a happy partner: Makes a happy mom, happy dad".

Old man stood up to go. He had a church meeting. We'd stay quiet for a long time after that: me and my brother. Another day in my old man's house: another lesson.