Read on Twitter
1/ Want to get a glimpse into your relationship's future? Then know the emotional maturity of your partner.
It spells the difference between a mutually loving and respecting relationship - or one with hard bumps.
A few things an emotionally mature person never does:
It spells the difference between a mutually loving and respecting relationship - or one with hard bumps.
A few things an emotionally mature person never does:
2/ The Emotionally Mature (EM) are not full of themselves.
The Emotionally Immature (EI), on the other hand, are obsessed with themselves.
And this obsession often resembles how someone with chronic pain remains pre-occupied with themselves.
The Emotionally Immature (EI), on the other hand, are obsessed with themselves.
And this obsession often resembles how someone with chronic pain remains pre-occupied with themselves.
3/ The EI track if their needs are met by others. If not, they are quick to anger.
They need to be the heart of an exchange. If it veers, they quickly bring back the spotlight on themselves.
But, in spite of lavish self-attention, they remain out-of-touch with themselves.
They need to be the heart of an exchange. If it veers, they quickly bring back the spotlight on themselves.
But, in spite of lavish self-attention, they remain out-of-touch with themselves.
4/ They don’t self-reflect.
So they don’t gain any self-understanding or insights. They are doomed to repeat their failings of the past.
So they don’t gain any self-understanding or insights. They are doomed to repeat their failings of the past.
5/ The EM can empathize with others. In contrast, the EI find it difficult to empathize.
They are out of touch with their own feelings.
So they remain oblivious to how they make others feel.
Even when they are able to read emotions, they are unable to resonate with them.
They are out of touch with their own feelings.
So they remain oblivious to how they make others feel.
Even when they are able to read emotions, they are unable to resonate with them.
6/ Exceptions - sociopaths and deep narcissists.
They excel at reading other’s emotions. But in their hands, it's a tool to manipulate.
Case in point - Joseph Stalin.
See how Robert Greene dissects his nature in his book "The Laws of Human Nature":
They excel at reading other’s emotions. But in their hands, it's a tool to manipulate.
Case in point - Joseph Stalin.
See how Robert Greene dissects his nature in his book "The Laws of Human Nature":
7/ The EM have flexible thought patterns.
The EI have thoughts resembling a woolly mammoth stuck in Siberian Permafrost - stiff and rigid.
Their sense of self is too fragile to expose to failures and mistakes.
They hang on to whatever they have learned – unwilling to update.
The EI have thoughts resembling a woolly mammoth stuck in Siberian Permafrost - stiff and rigid.
Their sense of self is too fragile to expose to failures and mistakes.
They hang on to whatever they have learned – unwilling to update.
8/ They cope by narrowing down their reality to something manageable. They form an opinion, and the blinds of their minds are closed.
They can only think in binaries. Black or white, true or false – right or wrong.
To them, there’s one right answer. There’s no scope for nuance.
They can only think in binaries. Black or white, true or false – right or wrong.
To them, there’s one right answer. There’s no scope for nuance.
9/ According to @ndwignall, excessive worrying and rumination is also a form of rigid thinking.
The EI worry about the future or ruminate on the past to obtain a semblance or illusion of power and control.
They have given up trying to control the present.
The EI worry about the future or ruminate on the past to obtain a semblance or illusion of power and control.
They have given up trying to control the present.
10/ The EM are calm and composed. The EI are prone to fly off the handle.
You never know when something will get under their paper-thin epidermis and they will launch themselves upon you like the Tasmanian Devil from The Looney Tunes.
You never know when something will get under their paper-thin epidermis and they will launch themselves upon you like the Tasmanian Devil from The Looney Tunes.
11/ They never chew on questions like:
“Did they really mean that?” “Maybe I’m too quick to assume offense?”
They make a judgement on the fly, then become stubborn and defend it.
They use coping mechanisms that deny, distort, or replace reality (Vaillant 2000).
“Did they really mean that?” “Maybe I’m too quick to assume offense?”
They make a judgement on the fly, then become stubborn and defend it.
They use coping mechanisms that deny, distort, or replace reality (Vaillant 2000).
12/ The EM don’t blame someone else for their problems.
However, the EI find it hard to admit mistakes and resort to pointing fingers.
They discount the facts.
When fingers are pointed at them, they feel anxious to shift the blame to someone else.
However, the EI find it hard to admit mistakes and resort to pointing fingers.
They discount the facts.
When fingers are pointed at them, they feel anxious to shift the blame to someone else.
13/ They are terrified that the blame would expose their fractured sense of self to the world.
They don’t express gratitude.
Through their skewed worldview, everyone goes out of their way to make their life difficult.
So they are fed up with everyone and everything.
They don’t express gratitude.
Through their skewed worldview, everyone goes out of their way to make their life difficult.
So they are fed up with everyone and everything.
14/ The EM can convey disappointment by healthy means.
But, the EI feel flustered to do that. So, as @alaindebotton says, they resort to:
Sulking - They pull their shutter down when they get upset.
But then they deny anything’s wrong and choose passive-aggressive hints.
But, the EI feel flustered to do that. So, as @alaindebotton says, they resort to:
Sulking - They pull their shutter down when they get upset.But then they deny anything’s wrong and choose passive-aggressive hints.
15/ To them, the insult to their pride and dignity feels too great.
They hope that the other person will magically understand what they have done, and fix it – without them needing to speak.
Raging - Or, they explode at the first person they come into contact with.
They hope that the other person will magically understand what they have done, and fix it – without them needing to speak.
Raging - Or, they explode at the first person they come into contact with.
16/ Acting out, yelling, and creating a scene makes them feel powerful.
But inside, they feel helpless.
They encode their fear and anxiety in a wrapper of insults and viciousness, and hope that you would be mature enough to decode them and get through to them.
But inside, they feel helpless.
They encode their fear and anxiety in a wrapper of insults and viciousness, and hope that you would be mature enough to decode them and get through to them.
17/
Stonewalling - Or, when upset with someone, the EI ice them out. They pretend that the relationship never meant anything to them.
They find it hard to admit that the other person has power over them.
It’s easier to put up a strenuous wall of indifference.
Stonewalling - Or, when upset with someone, the EI ice them out. They pretend that the relationship never meant anything to them.They find it hard to admit that the other person has power over them.
It’s easier to put up a strenuous wall of indifference.
18/ The EM treat feedback and constructive criticism as invaluable gifts.
The EI treat them as the 5-year-old treats her broccoli.
They assume that anyone criticizing them is either trying to humiliate them or is making a mistake.
The EI treat them as the 5-year-old treats her broccoli.
They assume that anyone criticizing them is either trying to humiliate them or is making a mistake.
19/ Other’s impression matters a lot to them. So they try their best to polish their image in everyone else’s eyes.
As @CRLamothe says, while facing criticism, they are quick to don their armor and deny that there was ever a problem.
As @CRLamothe says, while facing criticism, they are quick to don their armor and deny that there was ever a problem.
20/ It all boils down to their lack of self-reflection.
In its absence, emotionally immature people cannot consider their role in a problem, assess their own behavior, or question their motives.
If they cause a problem, they dismiss it by saying they didn’t intend to hurt you.
In its absence, emotionally immature people cannot consider their role in a problem, assess their own behavior, or question their motives.
If they cause a problem, they dismiss it by saying they didn’t intend to hurt you.
21/ Be wary of these traits and avoid the pitfalls of an unhappy relationship.
Make this list your north star. Look for these traits in your potential partner, and get a lay of the land ahead before you say “I do”.
That can spell out your future.
Make this list your north star. Look for these traits in your potential partner, and get a lay of the land ahead before you say “I do”.
That can spell out your future.
22/ But wait…
What if you see a couple of traits in yourself?
Should you be dejected? Is there no hope? Are you doomed?
No. That only means you are human. You and I and everyone else, we all have room for growth and improvement.
Now you know where you can improve.
</>
What if you see a couple of traits in yourself?
Should you be dejected? Is there no hope? Are you doomed?
No. That only means you are human. You and I and everyone else, we all have room for growth and improvement.
Now you know where you can improve.
</
>
If you liked this thread then don't forget to RT this original tweet-
https://twitter.com/dResilientHuman/status/1282506218909519872
https://twitter.com/dResilientHuman/status/1282506218909519872
