i'm only on my second episode of Untamed but both times lan zhan has showed up, I just keep hearing my boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble

also lan zhan's resting bitch face is truly magnificent to behold

lan yi is a babe and i too would like to retire to a cave, pet rabbits, and learn the guitar

everybody's back in their street clothes and their Serious Business tiaras, shit's gonna go down #KatWatchesUntamed

the fact that we're getting a conversation of Ominous Backstory at the same exact time as "the boys try to catch a chicken" slapstick is truly emblematic of this show so far

wei wuxian's outfit leveled up on the road and i approve

xue yang, hereafter referred to as "this little shit"

the sets at lotus pier are so fucking gorgeous

stopping with just two eps for tonight but this "the gang goes to evil sleepaway camp" plot looks promising

look, I understand that we had to spend a lot of money on wigs and costumes and CGI backgrounds, but how on earth are the giant dog monster puppet and the tortoise of slaughter effects that happened not just in the same show, but within an episode of each other

(this is not a real complaint, I'm just floored at the contrast)

honestly wondering about the wig budget, though; they are SO GOOD. even the background extras have quality lacefronts!

"threatening to strip until your boyfriend spits blood" is a romance trope i was previously unfamiliar with but i can run with it

HONEY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD PUT THE CREEPY BLOOD SWORD DOWN

madame yu can step on me any time

THE LAST THING SHE DOES IN THIS LIFE IS GO HOLD HIS FUCKING HAND, I DID NOT ASK FOR THESE FEELINGS

also jiang cheng crying and raging in a field at night, just fuck me up why don't you

y'all really be having a dinner party in the courtyard where you murdered a whole bunch of people huh

WEN NING IS A GOOD BOY, she screamed into the abyss

wei wuxian in the burial mounds with the screaming sword has some powerful "wouldst thou like to live deliciously" energy

the guys talking shit about wwx as lan zhan climbs the stairs dramatically behind them have the worst timing

the whole "wwx gets revenge on the wen couple" scene was just

reader, when jiang cheng pulled out that goddamn comb I GASPED

"the sunshine one has become the murderous necromancer one" is my new favorite trope

wwx, you had three goddamn months in the burial mounds to come up with a decent cover story for a) where you were the whole time and b) why you weren't carrying a sword anymore and YOU JUST DECIDED TO WING IT INSTEAD

wwx finally showing up to war council like THE MOST DRAMATIC BITCH

okay but could we really not have come up with a better name for yin iron wounds than "bloody cracks"

well that's the end of the wen clan and now everybody's just going to live happily ever after for the next thirty episodes, RIGHT

(also can I just say what an absolute banger of a line "we, of course, came from hell" is)

once again, i question everyone's decision to have a banquet in a place that was full of murder and torture just a short while ago

that one jin asshole: no one can get a better shot than that
wwx, already tying on his blindfold: hold my flute

YANLI \\o/ GIRL GO OFF

everybody getting mad about 30 percent of the prey being gone has clearly forgotten about the 70 percent that remains, but then I too hate fractions

JIN ZIXUAN. you fucking goober, you had how much time to say you liked the girl in private and now you fucked up and have to confess your feelings in front of the heads of like three clans. YOU DESERVE THIS.

i am here for this slow motion pride and prejudice bullshit where wwx and wen qing lock eyes in the street

me: why is jiang cheng looking like he feels a disturbance in the force

five seconds later: a shot of wwx's feet climbing the stairs to the banquet hall

me: ah

most reluctant props to meng yao for trying to play the "they can't drink and fly swords" card when jin asshole tries to get the lan siblings to do shots

just when i thought he could make no more dramatic an entrance, THERE HE WAS. WEI WUXIAN, SLOW WALKING UP THROUGH THE RAIN TO MURDER SOME GOONS

lan zhan's umbrella is white (his main identifying color) decorated with a smoke pattern evocative of wei wuxian's demonic cultivation magic, in this essay i will

I WAS KEEPING IT TOGETHER UNTIL LAN ZHAN STARTED CRYING, HOW DARE YOU

i just want to yell at jiang cheng to stand up to all these douchebags and yet know exactly why he will not

MIANMIAN IS MY QUEEN

me, seeing the refurbished burial grounds: oh this looks remarkably less shitty now!

....all of these people are going to get horribly murdered aren't they

THE BABY

OH SHIT IT'S THE TEN DUEL COMMANDMENTS

THE LOTUS POND oh no now i have to like him

"why did that guy look at me like I owe him money" is possibly the greatest description of lan zhan's angry face

the guys giving lan zhan shit for not comforting a-yuan are AMAZING

on the one hand i am incredibly sad and on the other hand, wen ning is the cutest zombie

also wen qing threatening wwx with medicine + silver needles = A+

"we won't be having any more guests" = OH NO I AM SAD AGAIN

wwx's drunk blush is adorable. also give me the au where wwx retires to the woods and sets up a moonshine operation.

of all the things I was prepared for "guys pretending to be wwx disciples to scam people for money like ye olden infomercials" was not one of them

I would say something about wen ning's cunning disguise of A Hat but then i remembered he's best friends with wei wuxian who is going to put his faith in a mask that doesn't even cover his whole face

I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR WEDDING EDITION YANLI SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL

AND SHE BROUGHT SOUP

SHE BROUGHT SOUP FOR WEN NING

WEI WUXIAN DON'T YOU DARE MAKE THAT CHILD CRY

lan zhan starting shit by insisting that wei wuxian should be invited to the baby celebrations has powerful "maleficent not invited to the christening" energy

it really says something about...basically everybody in the cultivation clans that wei wuxian's big crime is going "maybe we shouldn't murder the innocent peasants actually" and then sticking to his guns

OH THIS SOUNDS SUPER LIKE A TRAP

OH THIS SUPER IS A TRAP

gee you're such a pleasant guy, i can't imaging why you wouldn't have dozens of people lining up to curse you

I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY TO SEE JIN ZIXUAN IN MY LIFE

also delighted by the fact that wen ning's combat style is the "gonna hit a motherfucker with another motherfucker" meme

no NO you do not get to make me like him and then do THIS

i'm just yelling NO continuously at the tv now

NO IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE

wen ning bowing to wei wuxian for the last time fucking broke me, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO TOLD ME TO WATCH THIS SHOW

y'all thought he was a murderous psycho before when he was just a nerd living in the woods and then you killed all his friends so congratulations NOW he's a muderous psycho, i hope you're happy

MY DRAMATIC BITCH IS UP ON THE ROOF. 10/10 FOR THE ENTRANCE.

SOMEBODY'S BEEN TAKING DRAMATIC BITCH ENTRANCE LESSONS FROM THEIR BOYFRIEND

OH YOU LITTLE SHIT THAT'S HOW YOU DID IT

WOW WAY TO MAKE A BAD THING WORSE

fuck it, i'm starting 33, i can't leave it there.

honestly, going "for the fairest" with the stygian tiger amulet is the most power move he's done thus far.

super fucking impressed with this show's ability to take a scene that made no fucking sense the first time i saw it and now play it again and make me clutch my chest with the fucking tragedy of it all

THE BUNNIES \\o/

going 'look over there, it's jiang cheng!' and then vulcan nerve pinching his nephew is peak wei wuxian

also taking the curse onto yourself is a TERRIBLE IDEA

bold of them to assume i remember anything about the sword ghost from the first two episodes, considering the thirty episode emotional meatgrinder we detoured through

OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE AT THE SCENE OF ANOTHER DISASTER

DRUNK LAN ZHAN \\o/ god bless this lightweight

MY ZOMBIE SON

oh my god. just when i kind of not really recovered from the EMOTIONS of wwx and wen ning reuniting, THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING SLAPSTICK OF LAN ZHAN RUNNING INTO THEM ON THE STREET, STILL BUZZED AS HELL. THIS SHOW.

oh no, this dude has a better mask. we definitely have to kill him.

THE TINY CHILDREN PLAYING SUNSHOT CAMPAIGN

"what did I say last night?"
"you said 'i like...'"
[lan zhan's stroke is visible from space]

"congratulations, you got poisoned!" wei wuxian in charge of teenagers is the absolute best.

congratulations on picking the most haunted looking shop to hide in, run by the old lady most likely to shed her human skin and turn into some sort of spider monster

SINCE WHEN WAS THIS LITTLE SHIT ALSO A MEMBER OF THE FACELESS MEN

GUESS WHO'S BACK ON HER BULLSHIT aka time to resume "wei wuxian's adventures in babysitting"

wait TEN YEARS AGO??? this show has a flashback addiction.

wait was she just faking blind for a free lunch?? don't hate the player, hate the game

I LOVE ONE THIEF

xiao xingchen pulling xue yang's ass out of a ditch and taking care of him is peak "i have rescued this small feral animal and it will definitely not come back to bite me"

"come here and i'll give you candy!" xue yang has powerful 'driving a white panel van' energy

*AGGRESSIVELY STABS A POTATO*

i love one (1) leopard-print little shit

this whole scene with song lan + stabnation is so fucking mean, it's like i wrote it

HE ALMOST BUT NOT QUITE TOUCHES THE SWORD

wwx has also added the dramatic EXIT to his repertoire, good for you kiddo

speaking of xue yang and my small feral animal metaphor, does anybody else remember that video of the pissed off baby bobcat being released into the wild? because i keep wanting to call xue yang mister murderbritches

...did...did lan zhan just cut off his arm and HIT HIM WITH IT

xue yang: I only need one arm to do THIS *flips the cultivation world the bird*

someone please hug xiao xingchen

i fucking know the Sizhui spoiler and this scene of him looking at the toys in the market is STILL FUCKING GETTING TO ME

I forget red outfit teenager's real name but I love that he's like "why are we fighting when we could be eating dinner, now the food is cold"

wen ning: floats like a butterfly, falls like a brick

ah yes, surely no one at carp tower, populated by a clan known for its well-adjusted residents full of social skills, would ever say anything about a guy wearing a FUCKING MASK TO CULTIVATION CON.

the twin jades of lan appear to have gone to the Wei Wuxian School of Cover Stories in that THEY DIDN'T FUCKING COME UP WITH ONE, bless these tall gorgeous morons

jin guangyao just going "here hold this" to xichen with nie huaisang is peak physical comedy

wei wuxian teaching jin ling to beat up dudes = uncle + nephew bonding

"YOU SHOULD GET INTO FIGHTS NOW WHILE YOU CAN, BECAUSE WHEN YOU GROW UP YOU HAVE TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE YOU DON'T LIKE." is such magnificent wei wuxian advice

WELP THAT SURE IS A DECAPITATED HEAD

this whole nie huaisang + meng yao flashback sequence is a LOT

I said the above like ten minutes ago and it has only gotten WORSE

lxc/nmj/jgy is THE most awkward throuple

THAT'S NOT HOW THE FUCKING SONG GOES

there's still 15 minutes left in this episode and it's excruciating

nine episodes left in the whole damn show and i'm dying squirtle

just pulled up this thread to remind myself where i left off and HOW DID I EVER FORGET THE EMOTIONAL MEATGRINDING OF THAT FLASHBACK EPISODE

"hi guys, welcome to my secret mirror room where i keep all my secret stuff and ALSO MY WIFE"

WELL I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT