a thread about how epilepsy has affected me and my life:

so it’s been a year since i was admitted to hospital because of a seizure that left me unconscious for days. and i’m not getting much better at all, let’s just say that.

i’m still getting seizures even though i’m on a lot of medication. im currently switching to a higher dosage that can be dangerous when not taken properly.

i’ve had a few ‘bad’ seizures that have lasted quite some time where the ambulance has been called. and they are painful and embarrassing. i wouldn’t wish it upon my enemies.

it’s not just about the seizures though. it messes with my head. it’s so hard to explain because it can literally be impossible.

like sometimes i feel as if i’ve been drugged for an amount of time like i’m dizzy all of a sudden and don’t know where i am. it happens a lot.

i get sudden motions of uncontrollability like some sort of paralysis (like you can’t come out of a daydream is the only way i can explain it). it’s really scary because i will still be doing what i’m doing but it’s like my mind is gone.

sometimes i start to shake and twitch when my emotions are ‘tangled’ like a near seizure and it can be painful at times. it’s like my head is literally going to explode. we think it’s my medication clashing and trying to work but my brain is fighting back.

so many horrible things happen that i can not explain and it makes me feel like i’m a mad person and i hate it.

i want people to realise that it has taken over my life. it’s always there like it’s playing with me. not just when a seizure happens but it’s constantly tormenting me. sometimes it’s gone but then appears again to do these things. i never know when it comes and it scares me.

the hardest thing is that no one can understand me because it’s a feeling no one else gets and it makes me feel like a mad person. i just wish someone knew exactly how i feel because all epileptics are unique.

i have met some epileptics and all of their experiences are different and really not normal and it’s terrifying to think of.

i’m just hoping that it will get better but i have no hope at the moment.