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a thread about how epilepsy has affected me and my life:
so itās been a year since i was admitted to hospital because of a seizure that left me unconscious for days. and iām not getting much better at all, letās just say that.
iām still getting seizures even though iām on a lot of medication. im currently switching to a higher dosage that can be dangerous when not taken properly.
iāve had a few ābadā seizures that have lasted quite some time where the ambulance has been called. and they are painful and embarrassing. i wouldnāt wish it upon my enemies.
itās not just about the seizures though. it messes with my head. itās so hard to explain because it can literally be impossible.
like sometimes i feel as if iāve been drugged for an amount of time like iām dizzy all of a sudden and donāt know where i am. it happens a lot.
i get sudden motions of uncontrollability like some sort of paralysis (like you canāt come out of a daydream is the only way i can explain it). itās really scary because i will still be doing what iām doing but itās like my mind is gone.
sometimes i start to shake and twitch when my emotions are ātangledā like a near seizure and it can be painful at times. itās like my head is literally going to explode. we think itās my medication clashing and trying to work but my brain is fighting back.
so many horrible things happen that i can not explain and it makes me feel like iām a mad person and i hate it.
i want people to realise that it has taken over my life. itās always there like itās playing with me. not just when a seizure happens but itās constantly tormenting me. sometimes itās gone but then appears again to do these things. i never know when it comes and it scares me.
the hardest thing is that no one can understand me because itās a feeling no one else gets and it makes me feel like a mad person. i just wish someone knew exactly how i feel because all epileptics are unique.
i have met some epileptics and all of their experiences are different and really not normal and itās terrifying to think of.
iām just hoping that it will get better but i have no hope at the moment.
