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When I think about impostor syndrome I think about the time I subbed for my friend who worked at an affluent suburban school. I worked in poor urban schools for almost ten years and was shocked by the way her students behaved. When they didn't understand something they DEMANDED
I explain everything to them until they were satisfied they understood. Some of them would come up to the board, write another iteration of a problem and be like What about THAT? They were taught their whole lives that if they didn't understand something it was CLEARLY someone
else's fault. My students had been taught it was their own fault when they didn't understand, and tbh that made it so much easier to project all my insecurities and failures on to them. I was fighting against the system that told them there was something wrong with them but I
was colluding with that system at the same time. When I failed as a teacher, I let part of myself blame my students. I know now, as someone whose field is literally "expertise," experts become expert by developing a sophisticated vocabulary for their own lack of understanding.
If you worked with someone who didn't have ready empathy for your questions or lack of understanding, they are the impostor. This is by way of saying, if you don't understand some things, lots of people have/had a responsibility to help you understand but couldn't fulfill it.
If you feel like it's your fault that you don't understand some things, someone made you feel that way and benefited from it. If you have lots of questions about your field, it might mean that's the perfect field for you. #impostorsyndrome #AcademicChatter
