I don't like using my public social media to talk about the comedy "industry", for loads and loads of reasons. The main one is that ... I don't do comedy for the industry, I do it because I enjoy connecting with people who like my work. But ...

This thread is about abuse.

There's a huge conversation happening about abuse in the comedy "industry" right now. I'll link here to a big thread that collects a lot of stuff together in one place. Content warnings for really grim stories of abuse at all levels. https://twitter.com/SaliWho/status/1274490758758883330?s=20

I want to talk about something more specific.

The way abusers are taking advantage of the infrastructure of standup comedy to commit crimes and to get away with them.

I'm putting "industry" in quotation marks, because there isn't really a comedy industry. No HR, no proper unions, very few safety nets, pretty much no vetting process.

I think I'm channelling Alice Fraser when I say the comedy industry only exists because we agree it exists.

Relax your eyes, and this is all just a bunch of stuff that's happening.

I try quite hard to be a net positive force in comedy. In terms of tackling abuse, that means warning new (especially female) comedians of known bad actors, recommending resources to those who need them (e.g. nudging female acts to contact women who run secret Facebook groups -

identifying known abusers etc), listening to people, speaking up on behalf of those with less of a platform, informing promoters of bad behaviour I've witnessed or heard from a trustworthy source, etc etc etc.

It's not enough, it's never enough. I do what I can.

I also try not to talk about the fact that I do this stuff. Partly that's because I'm a Doctor Who fan, and I love that "without witness, without rewards" quote. It's pretty ugly to try and do the right thing ... and then boast about it in a humblebrag.

(That said, I am of course privately very smug. I really like the happy feelings I get from supporting people who need it. No such thing as a selfless good deed I suppose.)

I'm only bringing it up now ... because I want to talk about what happens when you try and behave this way.

You face consequences.

I know there's a faction of comedians who *talk about me*. I can name five people right now who'll be reading this thread in screenshot form (hello, you lot). I've blocked them all. It doesn't matter. I can't hide anything from them. They know everything about me.

They inform each other, and inform people I'm quietly grassing up to promoters. They spread cruel lies about me, designed to undermine my credibility. They threaten me.

I'm not making that up, by the way. I've still got the messages. Threats to my career. Physical threats.

I'm pretty vanilla. They don't have much dirt on me.

The dirt they DO have has been exaggerated beyond reason.

I've had to have difficult conversations with other comedians, with friends, with family - just in case stuff comes out that could hurt them. And I'm on the low end of the scale here - I've seen the levels of harassment and intimidation some of my louder colleagues received.

The MeToo movement was a big deal for me. I've done a lot of work to learn what I can do, how I can be useful. But I haven't done much public awareness stuff, because - fine, I'll admit it - I'm scared of these people.

Last week I tweeted that this current name-and-shame approach should be a regular thing. Let's do it every six months! Immediately, a guy who's positioned himself as my enemy got to work discrediting me.

I'd been left alone for months. One tweet about MeToo, and they're back.

Before doing standup, I was blessed with great mental health, and I'd never been bullied.

Most standup comedians have been great too.

But a minority of bad actors have made the last five years incredibly difficult and stressful.

Again, I'm lucky. I have a great support network. I have the support of my brilliant wife, an activist in her own right who's helped me immensely in my own quiet campaigns.

But last week I had my first ever panic attack. I found myself throwing up and shaking with adrenaline.

Oh, and I've been threatened with legal action, OF COURSE. I'm a standup comedian. I can't afford a libel case.

A lot of people are calling on men to "call shit out" - to name and shame, so we're not leaving it to the mostly-female survivors of abuse to do all the work.

This is very important. But I also find it terrifying, because every time I've called stuff out, I've suffered.

I have spent at least the last fortnight with a brain that won't stop rehearsing and drafting tweets and comments and statements. These thoughts make me sick with anxiety.

Anxiety! For the first twenty-five years of my life, I never experienced anxiety.

I'm terrified of sending this. But ... people aren't talking about this side of things. The intimidation, the harassment, the humiliation, the outing, the social exclusion. The threats to your career.

And I know it's not just me. Indeed, since I'm male, I might even be in the minority of men treated this way.

I know stories of women contacted by agents or PR people in an attempt to silence. Sometimes it's scary intimidation, sometimes it's slimy fake kindness.

I'm emotional as I write this. I'm sure I've misspoken a lot. I don't want to speak on behalf of anyone. I don't want to speak over anyone. I don't want to pull attention from anything more important.

I feel I owe it to say this:

I'm bisexual, and some of the worst things I've experienced from these people were explicitly and unambiguously homophobic.

And finally:

There is stuff that hasn't come out, that I'm absolutely certain is true, but can't prove and have no intention to test the men who'd take me to court for saying it.

There are vile men in comedy. It makes me sick that there must be women out there who've been ...

... mistreated by the same people working so hard to silence me. Loads of them will have been audience members, or festival-goers, or minimum wage venue staff. I'm so sorry I haven't been able to do more. I'm sorry I'm too much of a coward to name names.

UPDATE: Attacked from a new person in response to this. He's using two lines of attack to discredit me, so I'll address them quickly. The first is guilt-by-association.

He's painting a colleague and friend of mine as a "rape apologist". This is based on a post my friend made five years ago. My friend has always regretted that post, deleted it very soon after making it, and posted a lengthy, heartfelt apology.

Even if he hadn't done so - I'm allowed to choose my friends. I'm allowed to forgive. I'm allowed to have a different perspective.

I'm allowed to believe you're deliberately painting my friend this way to serve a more dishonest purpose.

The second is shocking to me. I headlined an LGBTQ+ gig for this guy last year. While the gig was referred to as a "safe space" gig, it was held in a cafe with no security. The opener came to meet me outside the venue to warn me that two transphobic protesters had turned up.

They refused to leave when asked, and the venue didn't have the staff to force them to leave. So the police were called. It was an incredibly distressing experience for everyone involved. The gig started an hour late. I chose to stay and perform anyway.

This man is now claiming these protesters followed me to the gig. I'm not sure what to do about that choice of words, but OF COURSE those protesters had nothing to do with me. They were bigots who came to a bigoted silent protest.

I can't believe he'd do this.

I adore my trans brothers, sisters and siblings in the queer community. I strongly believe it's our most important battle right now, with reactionaries using trans people as strawmen in their culture war.

So. Nine hours after I posted this thread, one of the few members of a particular friendship group I hadn't blocked responded by claiming I'm friends with transphobes and rape apologists.

This man hasn't posted about *any other standup scandal* in the last three weeks.

I'm really worried this thread just seems incredibly paranoid. But look! These people do what they do.

UPDATE 2. New attack from a different person. This time, it's a relatively new act (I saw his third ever gig, about a year ago.) I really enjoyed his comedy, I recommended him as an open spot to several people, and suggested him for an online BBC Sesh project.

Last week, I saw he'd blocked me on Facebook. Which is fine! He's allowed to have boundaries. But I suspected this was because friends of his had misrepresented me. Since I have my own boundaries, for the reasons outlined in this thread, I blocked him on Twitter.

Anyway, a fellow comic got in touch to let me know about this guy's accusation.

It is that I once said, "if i didn't work with rape apologists i would never work again".

So let's dig into this ...

I remember this conversation. I think what I actually said was, it's impossible to build a career as a comedian without working for rape apologists.

I stand by that. Most of my gigs are independents. The promoters of those gigs are representative of the population at large.

Statistically, y'know ... roughly 52% of them will have voted Leave, 48% Remain. 33% of them didn't vote in the last election. 46% of the ones who did voted Conservative.

Some of them are sexist, some are racist, some are homophobic, some are rape apologists.

But this is true in any industry. I'm not defending rape apologists; I'm saying, choosing to take paid work from a promoter is not an endorsement of their opinions or politics. I do my best not to gig for anyone who's abusive or criminal.

The act goes on to say of me; "You are all still working on the scene, working with the BBC and getting jobs. the people calling you out are jobless, in poverty, and being black listed by comedy nights [...]"

And this just isn't true. Most of my abusers are neither jobless nor (to my knoweldge) in poverty. My issue is with people within the world of standup comedy, enabling and protecting liars, thugs and rapists.

UPDATE 3. I'm hoping this thread can stand as a real-time transparent account of the work that's done to silence people who speak out. Several people (mostly women) contacted me privately to warn me of the consequences of going public with a thread like this.

With that in mind, three things happened yesterday.

Firstly, I received an apology from one of the men I've alluded to. He admitted to homophobia, and to enabling an abuser.

I honestly don't know how I feel about the apology. I'm not sure it's sincere. I don't know.

Secondly, I had a conversation with @LucyFurQueen about various things - a conversation that started in replies to this very thread, but which she later took to DMs.

A few people have assumed Lucy was being hostile towards me, so I just want to assure people that ...

... there's no bad blood, and we had a very constructive conversation where we discussed our different perspectives.

I think the most important point made by Lucy is that, since I'm not willing to name bad actors in this thread, people will continue to be vulnerable.

Here's the problem. The men I'm talking about - they know who they are. That's why, even though I never named anyone, one man sent me an apology anyway.

And now they know I'm out to get them. I'm absolutely certain they're following this thread more closely than anyone.

One of these men previously threatened me with legal action. We know, in the UK, that a defamation case is very hard to win - because the burden of proof is on the accuser. Without evidence, I'll be sued, and I will lose.

I'm referring here to multiple men who've abused women. I know this because of survivors' stories, which I completely believe. But there's a reason those survivors haven't gone public with their stories. It's not my place to take their experiences as my own legal protection.

In any case, today I will be seeking legal advice, because I'd like to know my options. Where's the line between giving female and trans acts the heads-up about creeps ... and opening yourself up to a legal response?

For what it's worth, I would LOVE to scream these names from the rooftops. I'd love to tell you the stories I know. It makes me sick to my stomach that these men are getting on with their lives with no accountability. I have nothing but contempt for any of these abusers.

Finally, last night I was attacked on Twitter by a couple of people I didn't know. They claimed to be outsiders, but they had information only known by a small group of comedians. It seems to me they were sent by my harassers.

I suspect they were acting in good faith. It's clear they were lied to. Both were trans. I suspect this goes back to the vicious lie told about me yesterday, that I was in some way connected to two transphobic protesters who turned up at an LGBTQ gig I headlined.

So ... let's talk a little bit more about that. Two transphobic protesters came to a gig, and claimed they were there to see me. It's my opinion that they were lying - they already knew the trans organiser of the gig, and later apparently vandalised the organiser's home.

Seems to me the organiser was their target, not me. If I *was* the target ... well, if transphobic people want to protest against *me*, I think that probably speaks quite highly of me.

I have only ever had positive experiences with the trans people in the queer community, in the comedy community, and among my loved ones. As I've said before, trans people are the frontier of the far-right's current war on progress. It is ESSENTIAL we put them first.

For trans people to be told I'm connected to a pair of TERFs - that hits a nerve. I'm furious. I'm angry and upset, and for the first time in my life, I'm budgeting for therapy, because I don't know what to do with the feeling of being misrepresented in this way.

I've blocked the two people who came for me. That's not ideal, because I don't think they're the liars here. But if they read this thread and still think I'm the aggressor, there's nothing more I can say.

Oh, and an extra thing:

Today I was informed that a screenshot was being shared of a private conversation I had with someone who, at the time, I considered a good friend. He's now unfollowed and defriended me on all social media, so I guess we're not friends any more.

In the screenshot, a comedian had been accused of writing a transphobic lyric in a song. I hadn't heard the song, and the comedian was quite new, so my response was that I would do my best to educate.

That comedian is now a good friend of mine. He's removed the song from ...

... the internet, he's told me he'd never write anything like it now, etc. Like a lot of comedians, he wrote some problematic jokes early on. He's come a long way since then. I really like his writing.

That said, even when he was writing problematic jokes - they weren't ...

... coming from a place of malice. He's a vocal ally of queer people, his band was regularly booked to play pride events, and some of the problematic jokes were there to serve an anti-homophobic point anyway.

In short, I stand by what I said in that private communication.

You can disagree if you want. I won't mind. What I *will* say is:

Defending a friend who wrote some iffy jokes five years ago? Doesn't mean I don't get to speak up about sexual abuse, or the harassment, intimidation and shaming of survivors.

More to the point. I want you - you reading this, right now - to imagine what it's like to have someone you considered a friend suddenly screenshot private conversations of yours and send them to your enemies.

I'm only human, and this is someone I've known a long time. He was at my 30th birthday party, at my mother's home! This is someone I trusted.

I wasn't watching my tone, I wasn't monitoring my words in case they angered my enemies. I was talking to a friend in private.

Imagine the anxiety of knowing that anything you said to your friend for *years* might now be used against you, as evidence of your failings.

To try and stop you speaking up about sex offenders.

UPDATE 4: For the first time ever, my wife stepped into a Facebook conversation about this topic.

I can't see half this conversation, since I've blocked several people in the thread.

She alluded in the vaguest possible terms to the behaviour of some unnamed men.

She took pains to make it clear she wasn't referring to any one specific person.

...

A man has threatened her with legal action.

UPDATE 5: It's just relentless. I have never in my life experienced anything near this level of hostility. It's a tiny number of people making a lot of noise. I try not to see it, but my friends and family see it. It's so upsetting.

The worst thing is that one person is posting daily call-outs for me to apologise?!? For "minimising abuse and defending shitty people".

These tweets are daily, and use my full name.

Apparently my behaviour is so appalling that I require daily call-out tweets ... but only since I went public with my experiences with bullying tactics I've experienced when trying to call out abusers.

I know plenty of people have been through worse than this, but today I am tired and broken.

And since they've been talking publicly about me, I guess there's no harm in saying that three of the harassers I've mentioned are Liam Schewitz, Trevor Williams and Payton Quinn.