TW: Abuse
It’s late but I feel like I need to do this. It’s time I expose the person who abused me and heal.
When I was 14 I began a relationship with a 17 year old named Holden Smith who then abused me mentally/emotionally and physically/sexually for over a year.

This relationship was a constant cycle of brainwashing, suicide attempts and sexual abuse. I didn’t even realize what had happened until I was old enough to reflect.

The first instance of mental abuse was about a month or so into the relationship. I will not detail every instance of abuse as that will take weeks of constant tweeting but this is the first example I came across.

I posted a picture of Cole Sprouse on my finsta with some kind of “man crush” related caption. He texted me upset and jealous and began calling me names like “whore” and “slut” for having a celebrity crush
He then began threatening self harm and suicide if i did not respond.

More screenshots from that conversation

I don’t know how this situation subsided or what happened after but somehow I stayed with him after this despite all of the verbal abuse from him. Little did I know this was just the beginning of the worst year and a half of my life.

The biggest turning point was the beginning of the 2016 elections. I was not political at the time because I was a literal child. However, Holden was and is openly Republican and would say/do racist things all the time. But because they were “jokes” I thought they were okay.

During these elections he monitored and choreographed everything I said and did that related to politics. If I ever questioned him or disagreed he threatened to hurt me or himself.
I began to pretend to be pro-choice, pro-gun, and pro-Trump during the entirety of the elecrions.

I hate that this is apart of my past. But I was experiencing a level of brainwashing and abuse at 15 from a now 18 year old Holden. And I thought this was love.
I was forced to denounce everything I believed in and forced to become something I was not.

Examples of racist things he’s said that I could find. It is so much worse than this but this is all I could find. The second is a conversation he and his friends had about me. Saying he had “jungle fever”

Additionally, around 5 months into our relationship the sexual abuse began. He would demand I send him nudes & have phone sex with him regularly or he would break up with me, hurt me, or harm himself.
If I ever said I was too tired or didn’t want to he would be verbally abusive.

TW Secual Assault:
Because this was a long distance relationship he had very few chances to abuse me physically. But when he was able to he made sure to do so.
On my 16th birthday, he forced me to have sex with him in a movie theater after I said I did not want to.

I remember how scared I was and how much pressure he put on me to have sex in such a public place. I was so vulnerable and so mentally scarred that I eventually gave in and allowed it to happen.
This was on my birthday. Coincidentally only a couple days before his 19th birthday

That’s all the mental capacity I have for this tonight so until I’m feeling up to continue here’s his Instagram. I still follow him on my finsta somehow but his profile is private.

Actually I have one more thing on my mind I should share.
One night we got into an argument and he began threatening suicide. He then stops replying and sends me one picture of him on a train platform standing on the edge.
Immediately I call his mom panicking.

She calls the police, who then call me to help figure out where he may be. And once they find him they handcuff him and take him to a hospital for the mandatory 72 hour watch.
Mind you I only know all of this because now he’s belligerently erecting me angry that I called his mom

As you see on his Instagram Holden is now in the marines. His dream was to be in the Navy and be a SEAL. But the Navy will not accept people with history of mental health issues for obvious reasons. Because this suicide attempt was now on his record he blamed me for ruining his-

Chance at becoming a Navy SEAL. He constantly held this over my head any time he wanted to guilt me into doing something for him. Whether it was sending him a picture of my boobs or doing his homework for him, he used this to get whatever he wanted.

Yeah he can shove this apology up his ASS

Just so y’all know, after this whack ass apology he began to try to TELL me that some of the things I said did not happen. He does not want to apologize he just doesn’t want to be called out for being an abuser.

This whole situation has made me insanely triggered and I just wish he never said anything because now im so angry my chest hurts.

And whoever took it upon themselves to tell him about this thread, I hope you realize that you put me in danger and don’t do that again when confronting someone’s abuser.