Thread by @beckdotorg, Ok I just wanna come out about some things. I have been [...]

Ok I just wanna come out about some things. I have been really horrible to everyone in my life up until now and it’s time to have it all out there.
This is gonna be a thread of really vile things I’ve done and I probably won’t be posting on here after that.

First of all, I have claimed to be a victim all my life. That’s ranged between pretending that people have been “creepy” towards me to straight up pretending that they molested me to avoid taking responsibility for my part in horrible shit.

The most important and extreme time I’ve ever done this was with Jimmy. I would get drunk and high on purpose because I knew he would start to touch me sexually, and then when he did, I would go brag to other people and either play it off as a joke, “guys being dudes”, or I would

pretend I didn’t know it was wrong and go around asking people if it was okay when I knew damn well I wasn’t. I always made sure to stress that I was drunk and high so that I could shift responsibility and pretend to be a victim. I knew it was wrong, and kept doing it over and

over because I wanted to. During all of this, I looked Olivia, who was supposed to be my best friend, who did everything for me, in the eye and pretended nothing was wrong while I was basically fucking her boyfriend. It got to the point where I sat on his lap and he grinded on me

until he came, and only after that did I decide that was too much. I didn’t get up, even though I knew it was wrong. I never told Olivia. Instead, I got mad at him and told him off, like it was no fault of mine, even though I did it all on purpose. Shortly after, I started

dating my boyfriend and didn’t tell him the truth. I told him that I was too drunk to do anything and the farthest it ever went was him trying to touch my genitals and me saying to stop and he did, which had happened before me sitting on his lap and him grinding on me. He was

worried for me, because I didn’t want to take responsibility for my actions and lied. Months later, Olivia reached out to me to rekindle our friendship, and my boyfriend wanted to defend me. He typed that Jimmy had molested me, which is what I portrayed, and instead of coming

clean and telling him what really happened, I stayed silent and let him defend me from something that I had willingly done and pretended I was a victim of.

That wasn’t the only thing I had lied about to my boyfriend. I lied to him about basically every sexual relationship I had been in, either downplaying it or pretending it was further in the past than it was. If you don’t know, lying about/omitting sexual partners is rape by

deception. When he started finding out that I had lied about everything, instead of coming clean about it all, I kept lying over and over trying to cover my ass.
My boyfriend is autistic, has cerebral palsy, and has emetophobia. The stress of me lying caused him to develop

gastritis. It made him nauseated, lose weight drastically (he’s around 75 lbs right now), extremely anxious, paranoid, it triggered his phobia, and psychologically and mentally tortured him. He was constantly scared and miserable because I lied about my past to him. Even though I

knew I was making him sick, I kept lying to him for a long time because I didn’t want him to leave me. I treated him beyond horribly and his gastritis became chronic because he kept finding out more and more I was lying about. Even though I knew I was making him sick and have to

face his phobia every day, I never came clean or broke up with him because I decided my “right” to be with him mattered more than his health and happiness. It took months and instead of me coming clean on my own, he had to look through my phone or piece things together by himself

Throughout this, he’s tried to break up with me or get me to leave many times and every time I’ve desperately tried to get him back. I’ve never listened and let him go, even though I know that would be better for him. I’ve stopped lying to him, but I still beg him to stay after

basing the whole relationship off lies and months of mental torture and causing illness.

I want to apologize just in a general sense to everyone who I’ve been friends with for lying to you, probably portraying myself as a victim in some way or another, and I want to put a public apology to my boyfriend. I fucked up his whole life, he has lost weight, has a chronic

illness, and was unable to get surgery on his legs for cerebral palsy because of the stress I’ve caused him. I will probably add to this thread in a bit, but it’s getting long so I’m going to post what I have right now and update it later.

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