The cool thing about depressing is it doesn't care how happy you could or should feel. It still makes you feel like things are going badly, even though they're clearly not.

It's dissonance from your brain and your senses. And that makes things even worse.

ME: I had a lovely day at home!

MY BRAIN: Yeah but we sad tho

ME:... But that doesn't make any sense-

MY BRAIN: YEAH. BUT WE SAD. THO.

The medication helps. The therapy helps. Time and experience helps

Sometimes I'm really sad though. Because you don't cure depression. You learn to better manage it. And sometimes it's hard to manage. But that's okay. We get through these times to the better times.

Usually I only tweet about my depression when I'm drunk and it's late at night. Then I delete the tweets. Because I'm embarrased.

I'm not going it delete these tweets though. Please be gentle. Especially about autocorrect changing "depression" to "depressing" in my first tweet

Sometimes I worry about my troopers finding out I have depression. But to be honest? I hope they do know. I hope they see its okay to get help. To get treatment. To ask someone for a hand in managing a very difficult fucking condition. To see the treatment isn't weakness.

If you're currently serving or a veteran, I encourage you to seek therapy and treatment. If you're uncomfortable with the military system as AD, please contact Military One Source. They'll set you up with a civilian provider and it won't show up in your records.

Learning that seeking therapy wasn't weakness was a huge hurdle for me. Accepting that taking medication wasn't weakness was also huge. Please don't be like me. Don't be afraid to seek help. Take the steps to a better life now.

https://www.militaryonesource.mil/