Read on Twitter
I'm going to be strictly posting art from now on. Twitter has killed my motivation to be myself in the public eye.
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When I was a small artist, 2015 - 2019, I always told myself that if I became big, I'd always love and appreciate my fans, talk to all of them, be transparent, be myself, etc with those who follow me. I remember "not wanting to be like other big artists" who don't talk to people.
After 9 months of having a following and gaining over 7.5k supporters, I have decided that this mindset was not only impractical, but incredibly damaging to my mental health. I took what others said to heart, I pushed and overworked myself, and I ended up in the hospital in June.
I neglected my health in favor of handling drama, taking care of venting strangers, people asking intrusive questions and trying to force themselves into my life, and making sure everyone was happy by giving out free art. I gain happiness by making others happy.
I cried at least once every day for two weeks leading up to the hospital. It was a horrible time for me, and I insisted on focusing on everyone else. If I didn't, I'd be like all the other big bad twitter artists who ignored their fans.
But I realized, they close themselves off because they HAVE to. You CANNOT possibly get to everyone, you CANNOT please everyone, and you most certainly do not owe anyone your time no matter their opinion on you. It hurts to close yourself off, but that's how it is.
The truth is, I wasn't made for the spotlight. I'm Jossalyn. Those who have known me for years now - Javi, Eric, Callum, London, Gage... They know me. I would always try to fix things and help others no matter the cost to my own health. It's even worse with an audience.
Everyone always wants my attention, to be my friend. I feel so bad because I've been used so many times by fans that I just... feel like I can't do that. I built my following off of free art. Sketch requests. I made things for others to make them happy, regardless of who they are
The cost? My happiness. My privacy. My ability to just, be Jossalyn. I have people in my dms wanting to vent when I'm not a therapist, people send me porn, I get sexually harassed, I get stalked and misgendered constantly. I'm not happy showing my colors here anymore.
What I'm about to say is gonna sound really fucking pretentious, but it sucks to be given so much attention. I'm not equipped to deal with so many people seeing my tweets. Seeing what I say. Talking about me to others. It makes me incredibly paranoid and brings up bad memories.
It's gotten to the point where I think about permanently damaging my wrist so I can't draw anymore. Maybe then I'd be treated as a human and not some pristine art God. Maybe people would stop being afraid to talk to me. Maybe I'd be treated normally and not based off a number.
So, what have I lost?
- The ability to be vulnerable
- My right to privacy
- Sense of humanity
- My happiness
I think distancing myself and only dropping drawings, positive posting & sticking to my alt @jossadoe will help me feel a lot less... claustrophobic and depressed.
- The ability to be vulnerable
- My right to privacy
- Sense of humanity
- My happiness
I think distancing myself and only dropping drawings, positive posting & sticking to my alt @jossadoe will help me feel a lot less... claustrophobic and depressed.
To the supporters who are actually enjoyable to talk to, I love you with all my heart. Thank you for respecting my boundaries and giving me room to breathe. You know who you are.
Finally... Matt. Thank you. If there's anything good that came from me openly being myself on here, it was that I got to meet someone as amazing as you.
