Did you know a woman can change her mind about something like having an abortion once, twice, as many times as she needs and it doesn’t mean she was lying or that she never intended on having one because an abortion is a huge, life changing, thing just the same way a child is
Just in case any of you weren’t sure or thought that an unplanned pregnancy was something easily dealt with or something
It took me months to decide what I wanted to do
I changed my mind & changed it again & again and it was my right to do that because it was a huge decision to make about my body & my life & my future & I am not a bad person for taking a while to figure what was right for me
I’d had two scans done and was STILL racking my brain on what to do, I was granted one by my psychiatrist! I went to the hospital to have it done! And I’m here, now 27 weeks into my pregnancy, getting ready to have my little boy
And that is okay
Because I was allowed to be scared and I was allowed to be confused and nervous because whichever decision I made for me was one that was going to totally change my life forever
no human with an ounce of compassion, with an ounce of respect for women & the rights they have to their body, would be able to look at someone in an unplanned pregnancy who is struggling to come to terms with what is right for them
& say that they lied about wanting an abortion
The first few months of my pregnancy were hell. Literal hell. They were so difficult and my heart was broken. I was incredibly suicidal because I felt like no matter what way I chose, I was ruining my life
I had countless calls with ‘my options’ (who are amazing)
I had supportive friends & family & I had my psychiatrist & my psychologist & yet even with all of that I still felt hopeless & scared, like I had no hope for a future, like my life was over, like my world was crashing down because I knew I loved my baby but thought I wasnt ready
Im learning to forgive myself & stop feeling guilty for ever wanting to get rid of my baby
I still wonder what Id be doing right now if Id had an abortion
But what I am never going to be is sorry for needing to take time to make this choice & for changing my mind when I needed to
I am never going to be sorry for changing my mind and changing it back and changing it again, and I am not going to allow anyone to paint me as something I am not because they aren’t capable of understanding the distress and horror involved in having to make that choice
Anyway:) sorry for ranting:)
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