a thread of different types of tae stans: this is a work of satire, proceed with a sense of humor

the soft stan type A
- begin and end every tweet with even if it doesn't fit the context
- annoying but you can't unfollow cuz they post useful info
- have gcs to talk shit about other tae stans
- "he's babieeee" but are reading nsfw fics on their burner rn

the soft stan type B
- clueless, "guys what's this about? what's the drama?"
- are smol and actually live in my pocket
- when they are online in gcs everyone pretends to log out
- get easily manipulated by ot7s
- they just want to fit in
- PROTECT THEM

the wholesome stan
- ot7 on the tl and akgae in the dms
- y'all know who you are and we do too

the mom
- "GUYS PLEASE LET'S NOT SAY THIS RIGHT NOW"
- take themselves too seriously
- routine meltdowns on the tl because zero chill
- "I WORK SO HARD FOR TAEHYUNG, WHERE WERE YOU?"
- need to get laid

the veteran stan type A
- tweet "i hate tae stans" once every day because they're special
- have a new ult now but show up for tae when there's something fun
- pirate music and stream yt lyric videos
- probably have a "taekook real" tattoo that they hide from their kids

the veteran stan type B
- show up once every two months to tweet shade and leave
- "does taehyung have a job yet?"
- might be depressed but still hanging on in hope for better days
- always tweet long dramatic essays that you rt without reading
- are tired of this shit

the pick me stan
- "please subscribe to my blocklist of 'problematic' tae stans"
- it's pretty obvious they aren't a kth at this point but they still help
- jk/jm pfps always in their mentions calling them queen
- will probably report this thread

the multi
- "not an army, only like V"
- you get to discover new music and artists through them
- they tweet the bare minimum about tae once every year and you lose your damn mind
- you ignore they ult another kpop boy who's trash
- they probably have you muted

the conspiracy theorists
- "this is soooo sus "
- spread scandals faster than dispatch
- mostly ia but when they tweet it's always in morse code
- spend hours in the gc connecting dots
- are right 80% of the time but no one believes them
- haven't slept in three days

the solo stan type A
- ashamed of their shipper past
- feast on taehyung's spit for breakfast
- "guys i used to be X, pls help me find my moots"
- could avoid a lot of drama if they weren't impulsive hotheads
- terrible at clapbacks, "well uh BUT YOUR FAVE IS UGLY HA HA"
- smol

the solo stan type B
- girrrllll
- ZERO CHILL
- think they're edgy but are just too emotionally invested in this shit
- "IM SO WORRIED FOR TAEHYUNG"
- either mad or depressed, there is no third mood
- fight antis more than hype tae
- need to find other hobbies

the convert
- were staunch ot7s before but aren't completely solos yet
- they breathe and their threads go viral
- proud armys but follow all akgaes
- vanilla af
- in all the important gcs
- vmin
- will eventually evolve into solo stan type A, just give them time

the delulu
- "taehyung acting career, luxury cfs, solo debut in three days"
- always optimistic
- know they are clowns but embrace it nonetheless
- will one day snap and murder a bunny rabbit for no reason

the activist
- "PLEASE HELP CLEAR SEARCHES"
- blocked by all ot7 fanbases
- work for taehyung's career more than they studied for school
- are in local twt spreading singularity rn
- TaehyungBestPersonSoloistArtistPoetV
- haven't showered in three weeks, might die broke

the existentialists
- "what's the point nothing changes..."
- can unthinkingly focus more on his mistreatment than his achievements
- have meltdowns on the tl before song releases expecting no lines
- RESPECTBTSV
- bangpd's official twitter has them blocked

"im just happy to be here" stan
- mostly big edit/pic accts
- "here's a clip of taehyung singing his song 'wonder'"
- solos hate them but cry watching their edits in secret

the popular stan
- everyone knows their full biography
- are artsy, and make clapped edits which everyone pretends to love
- "i love my oomfies shoo much you guuuyssss "
- mostly taegikookers or taekookers
- might eventually evolve into activists

the so-called intellectuals
- aren't ratioed because their shade is too subtle
- no fr how are they still here?
- kths hate them but let them alone cuz they're needed
- will sell a kidney to know the latest gossip
- should get a job
- make flop threads no one asked for
- "cock"

the whores type A
- tired of their bullshit but admit it, the tl would be dry without them
- routinely mistake taehyung's pant creases for his cock
- tweet FUCK MY THROAT even on content that isn't suggestive at all
- probably depressed and jerking off rn

the whores type B
- think they are whores but really aren't
- too shy to say cock so use instead
- "i would like to umm his lol"
- can't answer the phone at home but talk about eating taehyung's ass
- "tete's juicy peach omg im sooo wild"
- y'all are valid, i love you

the update acct
- gave up their lives for tae, now currently live under a bridge
- have the ugliest layout you've ever seen
- make dumb jokes to connect with their followers, everyone pretends to laugh
- the same three ppl join their streaming parties, they cry in the dark alone

the ot7
- tweet about other members constantly and hype ship moments
- half their followers hate them and they'll never know
- "taehyung said love all "
- are very sweet and very naive
- are fated to get chlamydia for no reason

the faux solo stan
- suffer from an identity crisis but are just taekookers 2.0
- "i can love tae and not like his voice"
- have a secret account dedicated to jungkook
- have dreams about what they should have said to that pjm
- are on their 5th burner reading this thread