Chronic anxiety, a specific subset of anxiety, is based on false need and false belief. It is the primary stresser of a leader. The 'needs' that can take us down. The need to be understood, liked, have the last word, be in control, get it perfectly right the first time....

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Many faith leaders including me, struggle with the very thing we proclaim - the love and grace of God. I have come to believe this struggle comes down to the battle of chronic anxiety - displacing these false needs with our actual need - the unconditional love of God.

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But talking about it, telling others of it, inviting others to it, yet not partaking deeply of it ourselves can actually innoculate us to it. The more we talk and less we experience, the more difficult it can be to experience it for ourselves.

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Too much doing for God, not enough abiding in God.

Too much employee, not enough child.

You're a good worker, faith servant, but where is the beloved to be found?

Many leaders founder, wanting that living water they so eloquently offer to others.

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Faith leaders who proclaim/teach/preach are particularly susceptible to this syndrome.

We are good at learning something and then teaching it. We hear it, digest it and then form it into teaching again and again.

This skill can be deadly for our own engagement with God.

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I have never in my life been on a cruise. Never once. Maybe one day.

But I have heard from literally hundreds on what a cruise is like, what is is like for them, what they do. A guy I went to college with works on a cruise ship full time.

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I could probably talk eloquently and convincingly on why someone should go on a cruise. By the end of my talk, at least some of the people would want to go on one.

But I've never been. I've not experienced it. I can talk about it having not encountered it.

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I believe one reason faith leaders burn out and grow weary, some grow very cynical, is because of this 'talk about it, don't experience it' tension.

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'The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.'

If we read John 10:10 and first think of the points we can make out of it, then

Danger, Will Robinson.

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COVID has been brutal on us. So much ambiguity, moving targets, pressure from opposites sides wanting us to do or not do. Plus the necessary, overdue, slow work of racial equity. We are SO far from the vision of the early church. So far from MLK's dream.

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How is your soul, leader? No one else will tend to it?

When is the last time you had a visceral, life giving encounter with the unconditional love of God?

When is the last time you sat as the beloved, your identity and worth folded into the love of the Father?

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Does that sound wishy washy to you? Unproductive? Too touchy feely? Even, have mercy for some leaders, feels too feminine?

I was raised that way. Good, loving parents. But I was raised with 'others have put worse' and 'its not that bad' and 'push through.'

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