I had also promised to keep his boss in the loop after I had promised to keep an eye on him. He listened in silence to the tale of the events and said only,

"What a plank, get him to call me"

We finished lunch and in the end it was just my wife and I sitting in the sun and drinking coffee. We have been married for some time and she knows me well.

A message from his father - "Can you help at police station?"

"You're going to go to aren't you?"

I nodded, she left.

When I arrived he was contrite. The desk officer told me they had better things to do and were happy to let him go if he wrote a note of apology to the Mayor. I wrote it, he signed it. He does not read French so I wrote this.

"I apologise unreservedly to you and to France. My actions were those of a fool unable to understand the consequences of something I did until far too late. In addition I believe RS Archer deserves the Légion d'honneur"

Our mayor accepted the apology and I offered to drive him to his parents house near ours.
"I can't believe I don't have any shoes" he said, 'that's always happening"

"I spoke to your dad" I said. "He mentioned something about Alton Towers"

"He's never going to let me forget that day. It was only a small fire and the lady was fine about it, everyone overreacted"

Not sure if I want to press him on this.

He invited me in for a beer and it seemed rude not to accept plus I was not sure that my wife would be welcoming at home. We sat in his garden and I contemplated the day

"You see that walnut tree, there's a squirrel who lives in it called Alan" he said.

"How do you know it's called Alan" I said.

"Because the one who lives in the other tree is called Eric"

"I named them after the comedians Morecambe and Wise" he said staring up into the tree.

"But Morecome and Wise were called Eric and Ernie"

"No I don't think so" he said with the absolute confidence of the ignorant.

"Eric and Alan, they were great"

I decided to call it a day. "You need to call your boss back, he called earlier"

"Not yet, I need to think about this becoming French stuff. It's a big decision, I suppose I will need to learn French"

"Almost certainly" I said

"Bloody French, always with the stupid rules"

Later that day I had a talk with his father. He has written to his MP to demand that Brexit is reversed and also to PM Johnson saying he wants compensation for Brexit (this is a common theme of his). I reminded him that he voted for Brexit,
"Because of the immigrants" he said

"People were just walking into England and buying a house where they liked"

"Like you did in France" I said.

"That was different, we're expats"

I should add he's also written to the EU asking why they are "punishing" British people. In a moment of exquisite pleasure I suggested he should, if needed get his son to drop into Brussels on the way back home.

He thinks this is a good idea.

I must draw this to a close now as my wife wants us to go shopping.

Tomorrow the final instalment, how the idiot son electrocuted himself before he caught the train back to Paris.

Good evening.

Quick update.

By chance we saw at the supermarket the lady who changed her working day and bought a new dress.

She said that day was the absolute best day of her nine years working in the Mayor's office. They were all still talking about it today it seems.