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1 )A thread about women (personal experience)
My memories of my grandfather is every Friday the old man would get ready , buy the best fruits from market , and visit his sister ,go to juma prayer from there , at lunch he would tell us stories of their childhood
My memories of my grandfather is every Friday the old man would get ready , buy the best fruits from market , and visit his sister ,go to juma prayer from there , at lunch he would tell us stories of their childhood
He would say in punjabi sisters and daughters doesn’t live with us all life ( dhiyan , paina praya dhan hondian ne mundyo ,ona di qadar karya karo ) respect them , spend time with them , do every little thing possible in your capacity, they will acknowledge it and return more
I have seen my father my uncles doing same thing with their sisters , caring for them , respecting them . On my mother’s side saw my mom getting the same treatment , my mom have 5 brothers ( 2 step brothers) my mom visiting them getting same treatment from elders
And my cousins how excited they would be and shouting aunty came ( phupho aayi hien , phupho aayi hien ) me ,my brothers ,our cousins saw only this way respecting and loving our sisters , cousins and aunts . Till the age of 17 I didn’t know there are any other ways to treat them
At that age i started to hear stories how women are treated and i would not believe that how it could happen , my observation was my family , relatives and teachings of religion that how a mother is sacred , the love of Prophet PBUH towards His daughter
I am from a punjabi family , we know the culture how cruel it is , but disrespecting women , not giving them importance or undermining them i have not seen , hearing other girls was a conflict that why and how people can do that , it was beyond my understanding
With time , my circle widened,my observation improved , i became less naive and started to observe around , started to see different starting from acid victims to honor killing , my heart would go crazy that how someone can do that to anyone and specially if you know someone
Who grew up near you / with you , how inhuman you have to be to do these kinds of things or how lower you would think of the women that you do these things to them . Yes i found good people too who would remind me memories of my dada , but still bad was around
Life was taking turns i am moving from one country to another country for studies , and seeing different things happening to different women ( good and bad both exist everywhere) in medical studies i found out women get more sick then men , just out of curiosity i started digging
Found out about mental torture a woman goes through , not only by men but other women , almost every story would start , i was alright then i got married and my mother in law or sister in law did that bla bla , for me it was getting shocking day by day
And i realized that this viral and bacterial diseases are less in numbers but other diseases are more of unknown etiology, my assessment was it might be because of poor mental health ( in men and women both ) that created my interest in psychology
I decided to masters in clinical psychology and then i got more deep into this stuff and got horrified about knowing the sexual assaults women go through and then within their own families , within their so called protectors , my dada’s teaching would go in conflict with that
That put me in excruciating pain that the whole purpose we came to know about putting women in homes ( in our culture ) is because you want to protect them from harm of other unknown men but what is happening in homes ? Are they protected there ?
Hearing crazy stories ( in both east and west ) i would not understand what to do , how to respond , my analytical abilities would leave me , i would want to cry for them , with them but that was not my job .
The purpose of writing this thread is that religion’s ideology exist just as an ideology , it turns into practicality when we humans decide to apply it. So don’t cover yourself in just the idea of respecting women . Look around , that’s the reality . Then think what went wrong ?
If i’ll make it simple , i’ll say we have to change this existing situation, some of you will say that not everyone is going through this , i agree but some are ? Yes we raise voices but what does it do ? Does it benefit ? Everyday passes by it’s getting worse
Worse to that extent that we saw zainab’s case , and then other young children. Yes there are sick minded people , who needs proper treatment who go to that extent but what about the daily home /school/college/office assault women go through?
Yes we raise voices about that but is it any help ? No it is not ,in bigger picture if you see it’s creating chaos ,it’s bringing gender opposite another gender , opposition takes away sanity and brings anger which will further worsen the situation. So the question is what to do?
First accept the reality , that it exists , both men and women (may be not in their homes but in surroundings ) after accepting it realize that it needs to change , and change will start from self , not by telling others . Yes it’s a long process , very long process
But as men and women we should see what roles we can play in our capacity , think what you will do as a son , as a brother , as a husband ,as a father , as an uncle , as a mother , yes mothers love us all but stop putting this laadla and wadda paraa ( big brother) thing
As a sister , as a wife , as daughter .Then the other roles when we become the “ in laws”. All the in laws relation has screwed mentally everyone . (Again i will say not everyone is doing crazy stuff but it is happening) in this life we connect with each other in form of marriage
There ideology of one family transfer from one family to another all till the basic level ,so it will effect us ,directly/indirectly if not now then some other day . So check yourself, change yourself. You can raise your voices , rant on social media ,but it will not bring change
We do what we see , and if this is happening we need to admit that we saw this happening in our families. I did what i saw my grandfather doing , what my father does , how my uncles do , how my mom was treated by her brothers and their children , that was my normal
Whatever you will do will become normal for your next generation, so think deeply what you do , PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THE ASSAULT NORMAL . I beg you PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THE ASSAULT NORMAL. Thank you very much. God bless you all
#DrUmer
#DrUmer
