Someone asked me yesterday if having a relationship was essential to being happy. So here’s a thread about what I’ve learnt as a person who has rarely been single this past decade.

When you’re in a relationship you often tend to put the needs of the other person before your own. This is good in part but not if you lose your entire sense of self and only focus on their happiness rather than your own too.

First off I want to add being single and taking time to heal is so important after you lose someone you love. My abandonment issues meant I often jumped from relationship to relationship without adequate time to process those feelings or get over someone.

Being single for some people is a personal preference whereas for other people it’s something they don’t want that feels thrust upon them. For me when I wasn’t dating exclusively it was a time to figure out what set the serious ones apart from the casual.

For me it took a long time to find the right person who I have every intention of marrying. Here is a list of essential criteria that I wanted from a relationship which is why I have so many exes who just weren’t for me long term.

Before I met my current partner I had every intention of finally being on my own. I knew it was a fear of mine. But I also knew it was something I needed to do. We broke up for a bit last year and it was grounding for me.