So many people fail to make the link between control of women& #39;s speech in public and domestic abuse / coercive control, and then hold up the latter as a competing concern. For women who& #39;ve experienced both, the dynamics can be incredibly similar and mutually reinforcing.

In both cases, women who follow the rules or haven& #39;t "crossed any lines" don& #39;t believe you, or blame you for bringing it on yourself. If you speak out, it proves you& #39;re not a victim; if you don& #39;t, that proves you& #39;re not one, too.

You can go on for years being "just fine" because no tally is ever kept of the things you didn& #39;t dare say or do or even allow yourself to think because of the one time you were made aware of the consequences.

You can be living in fear to maintain something - a marriage, a job - which is then seen by others as a privilege (See! What does she know about being controlled?). They can& #39;t know what you& #39;ve lost, or what you& #39;ve feared. They can only dismiss.

I& #39;d add to this the psychological load of that constant dread of what family members / friends / colleagues / potential allies might be being primed to think about you. "If she tells you this, what she actually means is ..." This preparatory undermining is rife in both scenarios.