I took my husband's last name for many reasons, but the number one reason was assimilation into American culture. My maiden name is Kim, the most common Korean surname, yet people would constantly think it was my first name, & every single time it made me feel othered & different

To be clear, I am American, I was born here, my parents are American citizens, and the only language I speak fluently is English, with Spanish as a conversational second. My Korean language skills are embarrassing to say the least. Yet I have still felt the need to assimilate

When I was in kindergarten, I started attending public school in a predominately white area, and that is when I apparently stopped speaking Korean. Before that, my mom tells me I was very good at it! But I refused once I started school bc I didn't want to be different.

I have no memory of this, I was far too young, but it goes to show how EARLY that feeling of being different is instilled in non white people. I was too young for lasting memories but old enough to know I'd better stop speaking Korean or I'd be picked on.

As I became an adult and entered the workforce, often my e-mail address would be some form of [email protected] - so inevitably people would address me as Kim Elizabeth, as if that made more sense somehow that my last name was Elizabeth.

They'd ignore my e-mail signatures with "Best, Lizz!" or "Cheers, Elizabeth Kim" and start e-mails with "Thanks Kim!" and it made me so angry every time in a way I'm struggling to express. It felt so invalidating and like such a jolt of ignorance in my daily life

These are microaggressions, coded behaviors that are subconsciously affected by bias and they're born out of simply not knowing that Kim is a common last name in Korea. But they felt like slaps in the face.

Maybe I was dramatic about it, but when I changed my name to Elizabeth Adams after being married, I felt so relieved that I wouldn't be mistakenly called Adam. And I'm not. No one has ever called me my last name by accident since I changed it. Now what I get instead is curiosity

But there's no mistaking that I am American. I've benefited from this change in name creatively too, and I believe casting directors subconsciously consider me more American than my peers with more "asian sounding" names because of this change as well.

I'm rarely asked to do accents or play stereotypically Asian roles these days, though much of this is due to my fantastic management, I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my name. And I'm ok with it? I am American, any accent or language I might perform in would require training

like any other white actor would require. Names are a big deal. I remember a guy did where he used the same resume with the names Joe vs Jose and the results were astonishing. Joe got the interview while Jose would get passed over time and again.

I'm happy to be an Adams, I really am, but there are definitely times where I wonder if I've "sold out" on my Korean last name and if I'm turning my back on my culture. Maybe I have. But the fact is, we, as people of color, are forced to assimilate like this all the time

idk what the point of this thread really is other than to share another story of life as a daughter of immigrants and to say hey - pay attention to people's names. Make an effort to pronounce them correctly. Stop renaming "foreign" kids with American names for your own comfort.