I need to stop
Thinking
So much
Just...the weight someones last words to you being that you're an idiot and a moron and that someone being your own mother, and then youd think 2+ years later you'd just get over it and move on

And i haven't

I can't

Why

This...mood will probably pass but it pounds my head from time to time like a huge hammer on my skull whenever things are hard or tough, but instead of motivation its just nailing my own coffin of....failure i guess

Why cant i move on

Why haven't i found my own peace

I'll never be a teacher or anything my parent's want or wanted me to be, im the good for nothing only child of a dead mother and a father who...i cant tell if he cares or just wants to use my caring for him as a weapon to further damage me out of some sick sport of the thing

Ill lose followers because god forbid you're honest on the bird app, shame me for being myself; im as much of the funny tweets as i am the crippling abandonment issues and the insane self loathing i give to myself daily

I love all my friends more than ill ever be able to admit competently yet i feel like i treat them like utter crap at times, and when the crap is flung back im a child who cries until his needs are met so that he shuts up for the time being

I dont...deserve it. Any of it

My fiance puts up with too much bullcrap on my end, my anger issues and my inability to cope with my own struggles, i try my hardest and i know im good enough and we work far too well with each other but...i need to be better. For ourselves, stupid cats, future kid? Everyone...

I seek validation for accomplishing nothing, like a child

My parents didnt even want a child

Why am i here

I dont provide anything

Im...gonna be off and on

Everyone who cares has my twitter dms and discord probably, id appreciate reaching out but only if you're worried and its causing you stress;i cant live with causing more harm than i do daily

Im just

Sorry

Thanks to everyone who reached out to me (not really much of anyone)

Need to find better ways to cope besides pouring my heart out to people who just want me to be funny

Sorry to screw up