I'll be completely real, I've been fighting for a long time to rise above the shit I deal with and to not want to completely give up and kill myself. I am fighting so many spiritual battles and one of this biggest ones has been in my home and for the last 24 years of my life.

This house is not good for me spiritually, being around my dad who is such a negative energy and drains me. He has always been emotionally abusive to us and is bipolar. I don't have my nan around anymore to run to. My relationship with him has been deteriorating for the last 2-

years and with his bipolar I never know what to expect, which is why there are good times sometimes and why all this time I never cut him off cos I know its a disorder. But for most of this time I couldn't afford to move which is why I'm still here. I was unemployed for a whole-

year despite my degree and experience and he would always throw it in my face. Then when I got myself back on track with tarot other family issues meant my money now goes to other things and I still can't move. I'm almost 25 and feel like I have the rights as a child in my home.

He thinks he's a good father and is convinced me and my brother are ungrateful, it makes me so fucking sick and mad knowing how good of a child I have always been my entire life, we've never given him any real issues- so much so that he just make a problem out of nothing!

Why am I writing this now? Just had a huge blowout with him over my cat's leash. He turns everything into an argument and he is the most draining most heavy person to argue with and he always thinks he's right even when he starts shit. I am not allowed to talk back at TWENTY FoUR

He gaslights like no joke it's scary, so if I rightfully react emotionally to his abuse he gets more angry and suddenly I'm disrespectful. Every time we argue he threatens to kick me out of the house, last few times he has threaten to knock me out. I have seen him hit my mum.

He will do it. All my life I've lived on eggshells. I can't tell you how many times I have feared for my life and my mum & brother's from my dads. He says time and time again he will go to prison. And lately he's been alluding to far more scarier things that he can do.

He resents us because his life never turned out the way he thought it would migrating here. Me and my bro are his children. It's not our fault how his life panned out. He wasn't a young parent either, we did not stop him from chasing his dreams.

When me and my brother got older, he could have left us and we would have been fine. As I've said my parents have been married all my life but it's toxic and I even begged my mum to divorce my dad when I was younger. But he hates us for whatever reason.

He thinks we are a burden and says scary things alluding to him wanting to get rid of us. I could've spoken out about this a long time ago but I genuinely thought things were improving but it only takes 1 thing to go back to shit. This is abuse and I don't want to be a victim.

Spiritually I am unsettled and do not feel safe. Fuck these stupid hoes on here trying to play games sometimes, they are the least of my worries. But I am fighting a spiritual battle with a demon that is my father. He is the cycle I need to literally break.

When I talk about my ancestors, I talk about my maternal side. My nan was my maternal grandma. I've never communicated with my dad's side because I feel evil. I love his mum but I still despise her sometimes for how she treated my dad and influencing how he is today. Her mother-

Was also a very horrible woman. My dad's brother molested me when I was 4 and went on holiday to visit. He's currently facing prison for r*pe. All I ever wanted was for my dad to really love me. He's hardly ever told me. We don't hug or anything. He doesn't do our birthdays...

My dad has never been supportive. I did a LoT as a kid and my dad never showed up. People were convinced my mum was a single mother, my dad just didn't care. I know there are people who's dad never have done anything for them but nobody talks enough about how much of a mind fuck

it is to have a present but absent father. He's fucking up my business too. The reason my readings initially had such a long wait time is because I never know when we'll fight which effects my ability to read, plus he shouts so much I literally can't do the readings... so to

ensure I don't have to keep promising oh it'll come today, I gave myself enough time to fulfil readings with factoring that I may need an entire week off cos I've been dealing with fuckery from him. Even now today I'm having to reschedule almost 10 readings because I just can't-

do it. I need to move. I have some money but not enough to keep me 100% secure if I moved so I just need some extra help to make sure I'm good cos I can't be here. I genuinely believe he hasn't actually physically hurt me yet because I am now so protected by my ancestors-

My nan was aware of all of this and ngl sometimes I hated how much she wanted to see better in him. Being a single mother to 5- my grandad was also a cunt- she didn't wanna see my mum go through the same... but I'd rather the divorce than a toxic marriage.

Hopefully she now sees how bad things really are, she knew what he was like but not how bad things got between me and my dad. I am looking for places and will need a deposit.

I don't expect much but if you are able to help contribute somehow it's always appreciated. My tarot will only begin to suffer worse the longer I'm here. I have to fight n put in so much energy to deliver them through all of this. http://paypal.me/rele9