ok the talk about bad places in new york is over, let's only talk about what we desperately miss, specifics only

here are some of mine:
- cold extra dirty martini at the joe allen bar before a show when you suddenly realize curtain is in 25 minutes so you order a plate of fries and shovel them into your mouth, so salty and hot they scorch your tongue, and you call it dinner

- meeting a friend at the cloisters; by which i mean you will take the subway as far as it goes on a beautiful day. you two will never get to the actual cloisters. it doesn't matter. the cloisters is a state of mind, of taking the subway as far as it goes, on a beautiful day.

- ditto coney island or rockaway beach in the opposite direction, the feeling of getting to the end of the line, emerging from the city and seeing the boardwalk, the strange blinkering feeling like maybe you teleported; later, the smell of nathan's permeates your clothes

- speaking of hot dogs, i miss the meal you make of a single gray's papaya hotdog exactly 2x a year when you are in between meetings, walking + eating, often in a crowded place, where the entire goal is efficiency + delight smashed together so they slide down your throat

- taking a cab you cannot afford to go over a bridge at night, in the direction that takes you home. bonus if you are listening to music, because the song will feel good to the point where you cannot hear it in the future without a sense of being high, higher than you deserve

- the cafe near the greek and roman sculptures at the met at 2pm on a weekday; drinking coffee that is not good enough or warm enough to cost $5, but worth it to watch the pairs of old women who have come to the museum together to stroll, huddled like schoolgirls over a muffin

i could go all day

- an august rooftop party in brooklyn at a building you've never been to before, hosted by a person you don't know, your 3rd stop of the night; the heat makes everyone smell feral and sweet. someone has strung twinkle lights between exhaust pipes. the skyline looks like a mirage.

look sorry if this sounds like a bad list from my diary i just really miss new york ok

i mean, i am HERE + i love being here, and the city has been where i wanted to be, even for the past three months (the beautiful throng of protesters in white at grand army plaza, the trading library at city hall park, the neighbors who leave extra flour on your stoop), but...

the cognitive dissonance of being homesick for a place you already are has messed with my head in recent months; clinging to these sentimental new york postcards from a subway platform in my mind is what sustains me

i miss this the most https://twitter.com/rachsyme/status/1261422551944900615

all the memories that people have added to this list have given me such unbelievable longing that my stomach physically hurts