Before same-sex marriage was legalised, I would often hear people say: 'I'm not homophobic, I support gay people and want them to be happy, but I just don't think changing the definition of marriage is a good idea.'

The person saying it was always 'being reasonable' 1/

I once sat with a gay man who passionately told me how 'gay marriage is a gateway drug'. He debated the philosophy behind incest and bestiality.

On TV gay men and women would be wheeled out arguing AGAINST same sex marriage. 2/

These people would be calm, they would smile kindly into the camera. They would talk about their gay friends, gay mum, bisexual partner.

All under the warm lights of daytime television.

They were feminists, and authors, and scientists, and journalists. They meant no harm. 3/

When you argued against these people you would seem 'nasty' and 'unkind'. Calling a old lady a biggot for being a good Christian was just awful. Telling an old-school gay activist he was wrong was disrespectful. 4/

This fight is happening again, with the right of transgender people to self-define.

It's the same 'kind eyes', the same 'reasonable' arguments. The expectation that it is ok to debate people's right to self-actualise if it avoids rocking the boat. 5/

And that's the thing. Homophobia, bigotry and transphobia don't have to come with a black eye and a nasty word. They can be an article written by someone 'who is just concerned' full of platitudes and citations.

Look beyond the fluffy rhetoric and those kind kind eyes...6/

Thanks to all who have resonated with this. But in all honesty my argument is really nothing new. If you liked this, please read this fantastic polite and informed takedown of @jk_rowling’s recent comments by transgender youth group @Mermaids_Gender https://mermaidsuk.org.uk/news/dear-jk-rowling/

Cis-lovelies please platform, pay and amplify trans people. Invite them onto your panels to speak for themselves. You don’t need to ask some blue haired cis gay boy to talk for them!

Champion their content, and give their opinions and voices space to breath. Cheers X