People who pay attention to my video game takes know that my preferred way to play Dragon Age: Origins is, basically, a Dark Side playthrough.

I play a goodie-two-shoes Elf mage who tattles on Jowan, then gets volunteered for suicide with the Grey Wardens anyway, and I go evil.

I roleplay a character who is driven by spite, hates the entire fucking world, and is at best ambivalent about Ferelden succumbing to Blight because the country kind of fucking deserves it.

And she doesn't give second chances because the world doesn't work that way.

And basically everything the Grey Warden does is vindictive. She gets along great with Morrigan, at first. She has zero patience for Alistair's whiny manchild antics and complete inability to cowboy the fuck up. She can't stand Leliana's unquestioning piety and airy optimism.

She lets Sten die caged in Lothering, because who the fuck needs another hanger-on.

She picks up Shale, but just lets the Kitty demon possess the little girl on the way there because her family created that problem to begin with and there's no second chances.

Like, fuck it.

She gets back to the Chantry, and any templar in peril she lets stay in peril, because All Templars Are Bastards.

She picks up Wynne, but she knows Wynne didn't voice any objections when she got thrown to the wolves in the first place, so she's on her shitlist and lives there.

She trades the arl's nephew away to the desire demon in exchange for blood magic, because fuck the nobility and also fuck the Arl for being naive enough to expect unconditional heroism from her. (Besides, blood magic kicks ass.)

When Zevran attacks, he's murdered in cold blood.

She doesn't give a fuck what Zevran has to say in his defense. There's no second chances.

She goes to Haven, and when the dragon cult asks her to defile the sacred urn of Andraste, she does that _for it's own sake_. The faith of the Maker has ruined her life and most of Thedas.

Now, she happens to have Wynne and Leliana with her, and as it happens they're more loyal to Andraste than they are to the leader they were so insistent on following, so a fight breaks out.

Morrigan and the Grey Warden wind up decapitating them. So that's three down.

She goes to the Dalish and pretty quickly determines she fucking hates them, with the way they treat her like a clueless outsider who doesn't deserve her own heritage. She hates that their mages got to live free, and she didn't.

Needless to say, the werewolves slaughter them.

When she goes to Orzammar she pretty quickly realizes she fucking hates Oghren, and does not like the company of this disgusting alcoholic pig. He's already the walking dead; it's just a matter of getting what she needs out of him first.

Then they get to the Anvil of the Void.

The Grey Warden is not particularly stirred by appeals to the inhumanity of the Anvil. She sees a weapon for defeating Blight and no real reason to do much else.

A fight ensues, with Branka on her side, though Shale turns against her, and welp, that's the end of her and Caridin.

Once she gets what she needs from Branka and the Orzammar dwarves, the Grey Warden kills Oghren in cold blood, because, seriously, what an obnoxious motherfucker. She can just HIRE a better sword than that guy. Damn.

(He survives the attempt but that's not HER fault.)

When the time comes for the Landsmeet, Alistair refuses to marry Anora because he's an immature pissbaby, so the Grey Warden just installs Anora.

When she forces Loghain to join the Wardens as punishment for his crimes, Alistair loses his shit and tries to abandon the team.

And the thing is—the Grey Warden's only the leader because he was too chickenshit to step up in the first place. And after all his whining, all his backseat driving, all his pathetic attempts to make her care about his childhood woes, he wants to just quit over her decisions? No.

So, she beheads him on the spot and feels not a morsel of remorse for him. Shit, nobody's going to miss him. Biggest fucking loser.

So, now the only people left alive are the Warden, Morrigan, Loghain and the Dog (no harm will come to the dog; he is completely without sin)

So, it's time for the big climatic battle against the Blight, right.

Morrigan comes to the Warden with her big fancy plan. She'll make a shadow baby with Loghain, and that way nobody has to sacrifice themselves to slay the dragon!

But the Warden's EAGER to sacrifice Loghain.

See, fuck Loghain. The entire point of making him a Warden is so that he can ATONE for his bullshit. The Warden isn't going to REWARD him for it by letting him just fuck her best friend (who she's mad crushing on).

Morrigan's so offended she leaves the party. Warden's real hurt.

She can't fucking believe the audacity. The Grey Warden fought and killed fucking FLEMETH for her, and NOW she's bailing because she doesn't want to go with her plan? Man, to hell with her then.

With her remaining companions, she proves against the Darkspawn she doesn't need her

She fights to the top of the castle with just an old man and a dog. Ends the Blight with a fucking skeleton crew.

She makes Loghain sacrifice himself because, again, fuck that guy. What else is he good for?

So that works out. Loghain makes amends, the Grey Warden gets credit for saving the world with just a dog. There's no uncomfortable goodbyes because it's just the two of them left.

Mind you, she is still INCANDESCENTLY pissed at Morrigan's betrayal, so that becomes her next move

She and her dog chase down Morrigan, and finally find her in front of the Eluvian. When she reunites with her best friend, Morrigan offers no answers, and no apologies, and moves to leave her behind after a brief encounter.

So the Grey Warden guts her as she walks through.

Morrigan, best as she can tell, is dead, or dead to her. There's no second chances.

(Besides, one can only take so much aloof, knowing condescension from a person. Oh, they know more about heaven and earth than she can possibly imagine? Fine. Take the knowledge to the grave.)

Anyway, I'm thinking about this for a couple reasons.

One, because I have no internet and thus nothing better to do.

But also because I'm trying to unpack why I find this version of the narrative so appealing.

It's definitely in no small part because it's a kind of rebellion.

I don't like a game telling me when I do and don't have compassion.

If I choose not to forgive somebody, that's a valid fucking choice. I'm a video game it's not. It screws you out of content.

Which, like, fine. Keep your content. Don't tell me it's mandatory to LIKE someone.

It's not JUST about manipulation. Like, all stories try to elicit a certain response out of you, right?

But, y'know, sometimes the very premises you're working from are garbage. Ferelden fucking sucks. It's an unjust, racist, theofascist garbage country and it can burn.

Like I reject your premises that these characters are doing acceptable things. That they're likeable or that I owe them anything.

You didn't adequately make the case to me that the world you've envisioned deserves anything from the character I made other than her disdain.

Like why the fuck would I let Alistair—or any of these characters with worldviews that border on offensive—throw a tantrum at me when the world's at stake, and go unpunished? No, screw that. I'm gonna fuck them up. Maybe you meant for that to make me feel evil. It did not.

Because, the devs were the ones who set up these bullshit stakes to begin with, right? They're the ones who decided to set in stone the things they set in stone.

You can't make the Wardens NOT force-conscript you. You can't make mages NOT be oppressed.

So you take what you get.

If your characters are not going to be nice to me, I dunno why you'd have this expectation that I would conduct myself by your own moral code.

Far from it, I will meticulously chase down every teensy weensy bit of slack you left me and use it to tear the whole narrative apart

Anyway I got to thinking about this because of what I've heard about The Last Of Us Part 2.

I'm given to understand these games are linear and cinematic (I wanted to try the first one but it's not on Steam so welp), and therefore makes your protagonist behave in dissonant ways

And like I have not heard of a single character in this game that, in the role of a protagonist, I would feel the slightest qualm about unceremoniously mowing down.

And I mean that literally. Not. A single. Character.

Oh, you want me to hesitate? Bitch, the only reason they're not already giving Gaea the crimson kiss is because you programmed a cutscene here. Don't insult me by pretending we're simpatico. If you gave me the breathing room of an old Bioware game this would look real different

I'm not saying that makes these games bad or anything. I'm sure they're great.

But, y'know, sometimes I think the premises you're trying to get me to go along with are a shit sandwich. I'll wear your leash but I won't be your doggy. Your worldview as a dev is not my own.

To be clear, I don't aspire to be a mustache-twirling chaos troll in these games. I do think the Refusal ending in ME3 is the best ending because it's the player's only recourse against an absolutely bullshit premise, but I don't play Mass Effect to be a remorseless monster

I know a lot of people ask what the point of an "evil mode" or "pure fuckup" playthrough is in games, and often they ARE often little more than a difficulty setting, or a marketing gimmick

But sometimes they're a cathartic way of voicing dissent against a world that disgusts you

Like maybe you, the game dev, have created a world that fucking sucks.

As a player, I can't change that world. All I can do is use whatever tools you give me to fuck it up to the best of my ability. And if I can't even do that, then I'll grouse from the other side of the screen