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Let’s talk about DELUSIONS, a thread by someone currently experiencing psychosis
I have had delusions for years, though I didn’t know what they were before now. They started in high school, where I would wake up completely convinced I was enrolled in a class I never signed up for and was now failing.
I thought it was a quirky anxiety thing, but my friends with anxiety seemed confused when I explained it to them. They progressively became a reoccurring “nightmare” I experienced, all the way up until college.
In December I had my first psychotic break, I’ll be detailing that more in a separate thread, but after I believed I had recovered from it I had another delusion about being enrolled in another class. After that I began experiencing new delusions.
I was getting popular on Tiktok, and started waking up gripped with fear that I had accidentally gone live, fallen asleep, and flashed the camera, and was now in the middle of a massive scandal. This one happened nearly every morning.
This is about when I began experiencing delusions of grandeur, and my delusions became less nightmarish, but still continuously disconnected reality. I would wake up convinced my video had gone viral and I had ammassed thousands more followers almost every morning.
It is important to note my delusions are almost always most intense and most believable as soon as I wake up, and it was harder to reality-check them early in the morning. I didn’t always experience delusions in the morning, but they were most vivid in the morning.
When I experienced my second psychotic break in June, I started writing down all my experiences so that I could relay them to a therapist someday. I started noticing that my initial paragraphs seemed genuine, but after that my diction would dissolve into a puddle of pretentious-
-nonsense. It almost felt like I stopped writing to document what I was feeling and started writing to dramatize my feelings, to create some glamorized memoirs of my delusions. This is when I found out about Delusions of Grandeur and began to connect the dots.
I don’t really know how I can end this thread, or if I can. I still experience delusions and I haven’t seen a therapist yet. Currently they’ve devolved into an intense paranoia that all my friends hate me but act nice because they’re forced to.
But, for the time being, all I can do is write it all down.
