Read on Twitter
streaming the social network in my head rn
did you know there are more people with genius iqs living in china than there are people of any kind living in the united states? that cant possibly be true. it is. what would account for that? well first an awful lot of people live in china. but heres my question: how do you di-
stinguish yourself in a population of people who all got 1600s on their SATs? i didn’t know they take SATs in china. they don’t i wasn’t talking about china anymore i was talking about me. you got a 1600? yes. i could sing in an acapella group but i cant sing. does that mean you-
actually got nothing wrong? i can row crew or invent a $25 pc. or you can get into a final club. or i can get into a final club. you know from a woman’s perspective sometimes not singing in an acapella group is a good thing? this is serious. on the other hand i do like guys who-
row crew. well i can’t do that. i was a kid - yes, it means i got nothing wrong on the test. have you ever tried? i’m trying right now. to row crew? to get into a final club. to row crew? no are you like whatever delusional?? maybe but sometimes you say two things at once and -
i’m not sure which one i’m supposed to be aiming at. but you’ve seen guys who row crew, right? no. okay well they’re bigger than me. they’re world class atheletes. and a second ago you said you liked guys who row crew so i assumed you hd met one. i guess i just meant i like the -
idea of it. the way a girl likes cowboys. okay. should we get something to eat? would you like to talk about something else? no, it’s just that since the beginning of the conversation about finals clubs i think i may have missed a birthday. there are really more people in china -
with genius iqs than the entire population of— the phoenix is the most diverse. the fly club, roosevelt punched the porc. which one? the porcellian, the porc, it’s the best of the best. which roosevelt? theodore. is it true they send a bus around to pick up girls who want to -
party with the next fed chairman? you can see why it’s so important to get in. okay well which is the easiest to get into? why would you ask me that? i’m just asking. none of them, that’s the point. my friend eduardo made $300,000 betting oil futures one summer and eduardo won’t-
come close to getting in. the ability to make money doesn’t impress anybody around here. must be nice. he made $300,000 in a summer? he likes meterorology. you said it was oil futures. you can read the weather, you can predict the price of heating oil. i think you asked me that -
because you think the final club that’s easiest to get into is where i’ll have the best chance. i asked- what? you asked me which one was the easiest to get into because that’s the one where i’ll have the best chance. the one that’s the easiest to get into is the one where any-
body has the best chance. you didn’t ask me which one was the best one, you asked me which one was the easiest one. i was honestly just asking, okay? i was just asking to ask. mark, i’m not speaking in code. erica- you’re obsessed with finals clubs. you have finals clubs OCD and-
you need to see someone about it who will prescribe you some sort of medication. you don’t care if the side effects may include blindness. final clubs. not finals clubs and there’s a difference between being obsessed and being motivated. yes there is. well you do.. that was-
cryptic. so you do speak in code. i didn’t mean to be cryptic. i’m saying i need to do something substantial to get the attention of the clubs. why? because they’re exclusive. and fun and they lead to a better life. teddy roosevelt didn’t get elected president because he was a -
member of the phoenix club. he was a member of the porcellian and yes he did. well why don’t you just focus on being the best you you can be? did you really just say that? i was kidding. although just because someone’s trite doesn’t make it any less — i want to try and be -
straightforward with you and tell you that i think you might want to be a little more supportive. if i get in i’ll be taking you to the events and the gatherings and you’ll be meeting a lot of people you wouldn’t normally get to meet. you would do that for me? we’re dating. -
okay, well i want to try and be straightforward with you and let you know that we’re not anymore. what do you mean? we’re not dating anymore, i’m sorry. is this a joke? no it’s not. you’re breaking up with me? you’re going to introduce me to people i wouldn’t normally have the -
chance to meet? what the f- what is that supposed to mean? wait, settle down. what is it supposed to mean?! erica, the reason we’re able to sit here and drink right now is because you used to sleep with the door guy. the door guy, his name is bobby. i did not sleep with the door-
guy, the door guy is a good friend of mine. he’s a perfectly good class of people. and what part of long island are you from, wimbledon? wait - im going back to my dorm. wait wait is this real? yes. okay then wait i apologize okay? i have to go study. erica? yeah? i’m sorry i -
mean it. i appreciate that but - come on - i have to study. you dont have to study. you dont have to study. let’s just talk. i can’t. why? because it’s exhausting. dating you is like dating a stairmaster. all i meant is that you’re not likely to- currently- i wasn’t making a —
comment on your parents. i was just saying you go to BU. i was stating a fact, that’s all, and if it seemed rude then of course i apologize. i have to go study. you don’t have to study. why do you keep saying i don’t have to study?! because you go to BU!
do you want to get some food? i’m sorry you’re not sufficiently impressed with my education. and i’m sorry i don’t have a rowboat so we’re even. i think we should just be friends. i don’t want friends. i was being polite, i have no intention of being friends with you. i’m under -
some pressure right now with my OS class and if we could just order food i think we should — you are probably going to be a very successful computer person. but you’re going to go through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. -
and i want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won’t be true. it’ll be because you’re an asshole.
