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“If I’m gonna make purple pesto, I need parm and walnuts.”
Stopped at Giant.
“Snap—the ABC store is open—I’m gonna grab a bottle of bourbon, too.”
Can’t make this shit up—a thread.
Stopped at Giant.
“Snap—the ABC store is open—I’m gonna grab a bottle of bourbon, too.”
Can’t make this shit up—a thread.
Impetus behind bourbon —besides ¡bourbon! — is my desire to make spearmint infused simple syrup.
“Herbs? I can grow herbs...”
Back to the shit you can’t make up ...
“Herbs? I can grow herbs...”
Back to the shit you can’t make up ...
I walked out of the ABC store, texting @capturner40 [sorry I ghosted ya, friend, brb] and see a Mercedes slow rolling across the parking lot.
“Ha! That’s cute. It looks like that puppy is driving—“
Pull glasses down from top of my head, stare—
“Holy shit—no one is driving!”
“Ha! That’s cute. It looks like that puppy is driving—“
Pull glasses down from top of my head, stare—
“Holy shit—no one is driving!”
Puppy and his Mercedes is rolling towards a minivan I KNOW has kids in it— I waved at them when I parked next to it.
When I say I ran—fam. I don’t run these days.
I bolted.
Set my phone and bottle of fancy bourbon down, looked around, hoped that pup was friendly ...
When I say I ran—fam. I don’t run these days.
I bolted.
Set my phone and bottle of fancy bourbon down, looked around, hoped that pup was friendly ...
...pretty sure I was smiling and baby talking that pup as I pulled the door open and slammed my foot on the brake pedal.
“Who’s a good boy? Who is the best boy ever!?”
Pupper jumped up, kissed me tongue IN mouth and just plopped against my side.
Tongue is better’n teeth?
“Who’s a good boy? Who is the best boy ever!?”
Pupper jumped up, kissed me tongue IN mouth and just plopped against my side.
Tongue is better’n teeth?
There’s no “gearshift.” No key. No—dude. Now I’m standing there w/ a happy pup up and down on me, foot on the brake of someone’s fancy car, not sure what to do next.
Lady came out of the car between me and the stores, asked if she “saw what she just saw and “damn you’re fast.”
Lady came out of the car between me and the stores, asked if she “saw what she just saw and “damn you’re fast.”
“What can I do to help?”
Um, will you pick up my phone *quietky* and ny bourbon and put them in my car while I figure this out?
“Lemme get some sanitizer spray.”
Cashier from ABC store rushes out, says he saw that. Says I’m “faster than I look” and asks what he can do.
Um, will you pick up my phone *quietky* and ny bourbon and put them in my car while I figure this out?
“Lemme get some sanitizer spray.”
Cashier from ABC store rushes out, says he saw that. Says I’m “faster than I look” and asks what he can do.
I asked him to go into Giant and have them page the owner of a silver BMW.
He looked at me. Hard.
“Please?”
Well, it’s a grey Mercedes though...
“Yeah—that. Please page the owner...”
Other driver said “what can I do?”
Fam—you know my response?
“Will you take a photo?”
He looked at me. Hard.
“Please?”
Well, it’s a grey Mercedes though...
“Yeah—that. Please page the owner...”
Other driver said “what can I do?”
Fam—you know my response?
“Will you take a photo?”
She did—and then sprayed my phone down and her hands. 
I still couldn’t figure out how to cut the engine or put this damn car in park, so I stood there, chilling w/ my new BFF.
Three Giant employees came out followed by ABC cashier to tell me they’ve paged and are waiting—
I still couldn’t figure out how to cut the engine or put this damn car in park, so I stood there, chilling w/ my new BFF.
Three Giant employees came out followed by ABC cashier to tell me they’ve paged and are waiting—
Young woman comes out to the front of the store and runs, I kid you not, about 150 yards AWAY from her pup and I, and yells.
I waved in her direction and she came running up.
“What are you DOING in my car!?”
Hold on, kid. Back up. Put your mask on and hit pause.
Whoah.
I waved in her direction and she came running up.
“What are you DOING in my car!?”
Hold on, kid. Back up. Put your mask on and hit pause.
Whoah.
“Your car was rolling through the lot w/ your dog at the helm and I jumped in and put my foot on the brake. I don’t know how to cut the engine and didn’t want to sit inside of it—so here we are.
Please reach in and shut the car off.”
She did. I stepped out.
She got in.
Please reach in and shut the car off.”
She did. I stepped out.
She got in.
Other driver walked over [my photog] and said “uh uh—you ain’t leavin here without telling this woman thank you for saving your car, your dog and your arrogant ass.”
Heh.
She stepped out and said thanks.
“Sure thing.
Your dog is adorable.”
And now?
Bourbon o’clock.
![Other driver walked over [my photog] and said “uh uh—you ain’t leavin here without telling this woman thank you for saving your car, your dog and your arrogant ass.”Heh. She stepped out and said thanks. “Sure thing. Your dog is adorable.”And now? Bourbon o’clock.](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EcSKOSzWoAAk68N.jpg "Other driver walked over [my photog] and said “uh uh—you ain’t leavin here without telling this woman thank you for saving your car, your dog and your arrogant ass.”Heh. She stepped out and said thanks. “Sure thing. Your dog is adorable.”And now? Bourbon o’clock.")
Heh.
She stepped out and said thanks.
“Sure thing.
Your dog is adorable.”
And now?
Bourbon o’clock.
Someone should tell @darth this very good boy should get his learners permit.
For those of you who read to the end hoping for a pesto recipe—this is the one I use (and love). https://homesteadandchill.com/besto-pesto-recipe/
This is where I say “I don’t have a sound cloud but...” there’s an awesome young chef in DC making a difference for restaurant employees furloughed because of C19. He’s the opposite of the “kid” in the Mercedes.
Plus? He’s buying food from local farms! https://www.gofundme.com/f/bloom-together
Plus? He’s buying food from local farms! https://www.gofundme.com/f/bloom-together
