This piece by @rokwon is brilliant, on choosing to be child free - she gives a beautiful breakdown of why the common but bizarre accusation of it being a ‘selfish’ choice is so wild, & explores the sexism behind it https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jul/06/more-women-like-me-are-choosing-to-be-childfree-is-this-the-age-of-opting-out

I was certain I wanted to remain child free for most of my adult life, and lately I’ve sliding into a new ambivalence about it, largely brought on by my father’s decline and the existentials you face daily when you love someone with a terminal illness

It’s a strange new space to inhabit, and who knows where I’ll end up in relation to it all, but I hate the fact that the people @rokwon described in her piece that always want to tell you as a child free woman that ‘you just haven’t met the right person yet’ or you’ll ‘grow -

- out of it’ get to feel right all along if a person changes their mind, regardless of the multiple & complex reasons behind such a change.

Because no matter how ‘progressive’ (ha) people like to think our society is, there is still a huge amount of (morally inflected) expectation/pressure on women/people with uteruses to ‘fulfill their potential’ and bear children

And I still literally NEVER hear my male friends & peers being asked this question or put under the same scrutiny. Ever.

Also! The idea that the only way to make use of your human capacity to nurture & love - which, newsflash, has zero to do with the genitals you were born with or the gender you were socialised as - is by parenting is utterly bankrupt

Parenting is an extraordinarily challenging, powerful, life changing responsibility. Incomparable in many ways. So are other experiences and ways of loving and taking responsibility, for individuals and communities

It such a frustrating rut to get stuck in and I wish the discourse around it could be more expansive, kinder & less judgmental (and less conservative!!). Thank you for coming to my TED talk.