STOP talking abt how people “should” conduct their extra dyadic sexuality. The so-called “ethically non monogamous” need to check their privilege. And their defensiveness about a term that ignores material circumstances/ecologies that make disclosing nm dangerous, even lethal

If you want to sound and be less insensitive, the term “disclosed non monogamy” is less lauding of your presumed superiority, and less demeaning of the actions of those who don’t have the privilege of, for ex., a non-violent partner, supportive community, or accepting peers 2/

A reminder that people, mostly women, still die in the US for exercising sexual autonomy, including the form of sexual autonomy too many people (likely unthinkingly) judge as “cheating” while treating their own privilege as some kind of baseline 3/

When I was researching my book UNTRUE I was lucky to interview several YOUNG women who disclosed being ec dependent on an abusive men and using extra dyadic sex as a way out. Stop presuming “cheating” is about older people less enlightened than you 4/

And reminder: disclosed nm can he extremely unethical. For ex. treating a 3rd like a needs-fulfilling machine for the couple; pressuring someone to open so that they do so out of fear; hetero men inserting themselves into FF action at sex parties; fetishizing unicorns 5/

So go ahead and have your fun and revel in your privilege (I guess? ) but FFS stop acting like you’re ethical and others aren’t 6/

I tweeted abt this on 11/1 in a long thread so please have a read if you are interested. As a social scientist who uses an intersectional & cross cultural approach to study sexuality, I find the term “ethnical nononogamy” to be a damaging term w/no scientific merit 7/ #scicomm