So, earlier today, I came across that crowdsourced spreadsheet of gynaecologists in India. I checked the Chennai tab and found the usual suspects. Well-known names in equally well-known hospitals. Names I have visited and found lacking in terms of their ability to just listen.
So, here’s my experience of one such “expert” who’s on that sheet. I won’t mention her name for obvious reasons, I will definitely tell you what happened to me. My experience goes back to 2012. I was newly married. And I skipped a period. 40 days. Then 45.
I took a pregnancy test. Negative. 48 days. Second test. Negative. And so I decided to see a gynaec. The lady in question came highly recommended by everyone I knew. They all assumed my test was a false negative and were dead certain I was pregnant even if I knew I wasn’t.
So, off we went to see her. In the waiting area, the nurse comes up and asks why I’m here. Full volume. I politely tell her I’d rather tell the doctor directly. She gives me a dirty look. We meet the doc. I tell her everything. Delayed period. Negative test.
The first thing the doc asks me, “Why are you here if you’re not pregnant?” Because, I tell her politely, not getting a period for 48 days isn’t normal if one isn’t pregnant. She’s dismissive. Tells me to go and bring my mother. Yes. MY MOTHER.
At this point, S is beginning to lose it. He asks why my mother is needed and she tells him, “I can’t discuss this with you. You’re a man.” She turns to me and says, “your husband is not needed next time. Bring your mother.” I ask her if she has any idea why the period is delayed
She’s again dismissive. “Happens sometimes.” It doesn’t stop there. She looks at my vitals, my age and my pre-diabetes diagnosis and says, “You should have had a child at 25. Now you have high blood sugar. If you have a child now, it will be deformed. It’s too late.”
I don’t remember much of what happened after that. I just know S took me to my parents’ house where I cried for an straight one hour.
Here’s my problem with gynaecs in general. If you are a sexually active woman, they only deal with your childbearing needs. If you’re unmarried or otherwise single, they assume you don’t have a sex life. If you tell them otherwise, the advise abstinence.
Not one single gynaec I have met so far has managed to properly treat my endometriosis. Not one has treated me as a woman rather than a baby making machine. If after all this, I actually find a non judgemental gynaec who is willing to treat my issue, I’ll be happy to go see them.
This isn’t meant to question the recommendations on that spreadsheet. It’s remarkably comprehensive. But I definitely know that not all of those recommendations are right for a single, sexually active woman with zero intentions of making babies.
Just don’t @ me with defence of docs please. Don’t.
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