I would like to talk briefly about Bearizona.

I first became aware of Bearizona while on tour. I was driving through Arizona, which — I don't know if you noticed — is 2/3rds of the word Bearizona.

I saw a billboard.

***VISIT BEARIZONA***

The billboard featured bears. Arizona. Bears in Arizona. Bearizona.

I felt a deep calm inside me.

It was, however, the last time I truly felt peace.

Only minutes after I had been introduced to the concept of BEARIZONA I began to ask myself what other state plus animal could truly be combined in such a perfect harmony, a symphony of sound that preserved both the integrity of the state name and the animal name?

For hundreds of miles on the remainder of the tour, I mentally went through every state, rhyming it with animals, trying out the different syllables.

Yes, it is possible to cheat. MOOSEouri? LARKansas. But they either destroyed the perfect rhyme or featured generic brand animals.

BEARIZONA has both perfect rhyme and brand name animal. People will pay to see BEARS in ARIZONA.

EELINOIS?

DON'T PLAY, WE KNOW IT'S WRONG.

There is no happy ending to this story.

I tweet it now only because sometimes, when my mind wanders and I don't capture it, it lopes to BEARIZONA, and I once again am trapped in that moment, the moment just after perfect peace.

(do not try me with your Elkansases and your Birdginias; these cannot compare with the elegance of BEARIZONA!)

I sorrowfully return to novel-writing now.

CHAPTER 20
BEARIZONA, REARVIEW MIRROR