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#FPL STATS OF SHITHOUSERY {THREAD}
The Monkey dissects the first 4 GWs since the restart.
Who is sexing up the stats, who looks down on their luck, who should you buy, who should you point and laugh at?
Contains swearing.
Let's dive the fuck in.
The Monkey dissects the first 4 GWs since the restart.
Who is sexing up the stats, who looks down on their luck, who should you buy, who should you point and laugh at?
Contains swearing.
Let's dive the fuck in.
Chances Created
Hourihane - 13 (checks stats again, and again... no, this is correct. What the actual FUCK)
Willian - 11. The Samba Solly March
KDB - 10. Here he is look. The Ginger fucking Prince
Salah - 10. The plot thickens...
Grealish - 10. Er Villa... seriously...
Hourihane - 13 (checks stats again, and again... no, this is correct. What the actual FUCK)
Willian - 11. The Samba Solly March
KDB - 10. Here he is look. The Ginger fucking Prince
Salah - 10. The plot thickens...
Grealish - 10. Er Villa... seriously...
Carnal Through Balls
Kane - 4. Hell of a centre mid this guy. The new Wayne Rooney.
Bruno/Pogba/Rashford - all 3. That's 9 between them. United are just a sexed up through ball machine right now. They scream FPL intimacy.
Redmond - 3. Oh stop it now Nathan you tease.
Kane - 4. Hell of a centre mid this guy. The new Wayne Rooney.
Bruno/Pogba/Rashford - all 3. That's 9 between them. United are just a sexed up through ball machine right now. They scream FPL intimacy.
Redmond - 3. Oh stop it now Nathan you tease.
Penalty Area Touches
Pulisic - 31. 29 of which have won penalties. Or something.
Salah - 28. No man loves the box more than the Egyptian "midfielder"
Sterling - 26. Monster haul one min, 1 pointer the next. Rollercoaster.
Rashford - 25. Why are people taking him out again?
Pulisic - 31. 29 of which have won penalties. Or something.
Salah - 28. No man loves the box more than the Egyptian "midfielder"
Sterling - 26. Monster haul one min, 1 pointer the next. Rollercoaster.
Rashford - 25. Why are people taking him out again?
Big Chances Missed (Teams)
City - 12. Twelve? In 4 games? Jesus... wept.
Chelsea - 7. They're all Tammy. Aren't they...
Villa - 6. Find. A. Centre. Forward. In the Championship.
Utd - 6. Lad's, you can do better.
Saints - 5. Ha ha not looking so great now are you. Wankers.
City - 12. Twelve? In 4 games? Jesus... wept.
Chelsea - 7. They're all Tammy. Aren't they...
Villa - 6. Find. A. Centre. Forward. In the Championship.
Utd - 6. Lad's, you can do better.
Saints - 5. Ha ha not looking so great now are you. Wankers.
Fucking Goal Attempts
Auba - 17. Ok... so he MIGHT be a touch unlucky here...
KDB - 16. If you don't have him anymore. Get him. Now.
Bruno - 15. If you don't have this guy, seriously, give up.
Willian - 13. Yeah but they're all pens so fuck off.
Jesus - 12. Hopeless.
Auba - 17. Ok... so he MIGHT be a touch unlucky here...
KDB - 16. If you don't have him anymore. Get him. Now.
Bruno - 15. If you don't have this guy, seriously, give up.
Willian - 13. Yeah but they're all pens so fuck off.
Jesus - 12. Hopeless.
Terrible Shooters
Maddison - 12 shots. 1 on target. Go home James, nobody wants you anymore.
Davis - 8 shots, 1 on target. I mean... it's not a surprise is it Villa. I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.
Stanislas . 7 shots, 1 on target. Shite.
Alonso. 6 shots none on target
Maddison - 12 shots. 1 on target. Go home James, nobody wants you anymore.
Davis - 8 shots, 1 on target. I mean... it's not a surprise is it Villa. I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.
Stanislas . 7 shots, 1 on target. Shite.
Alonso. 6 shots none on target
Headed Goal Attempts
Hause - 8
Davis - 6
Okay Villa. You are just taking over the whole fucking thread. Get a grip.
Jimenez - 5. The metronome finally appears.
DCL - 5. Mascot turned alleged centre forward.
Jesus - 4. His xG is a lot higher than Mason Greenwood's...
Hause - 8
Davis - 6
Okay Villa. You are just taking over the whole fucking thread. Get a grip.
Jimenez - 5. The metronome finally appears.
DCL - 5. Mascot turned alleged centre forward.
Jesus - 4. His xG is a lot higher than Mason Greenwood's...
xG
Ah here it is. Football's most useless stat. Let's take a look.
Antonio - 2.88
Willian - 2.81
Nacho - 2.61
Kane - 2.52
KDB - 2.37
Abraham - 2.35
Bruno 2.01
Read into that what you will. I don't care. Other than Tammy being about as useful as a marzipan dildo.
Ah here it is. Football's most useless stat. Let's take a look.
Antonio - 2.88
Willian - 2.81
Nacho - 2.61
Kane - 2.52
KDB - 2.37
Abraham - 2.35
Bruno 2.01
Read into that what you will. I don't care. Other than Tammy being about as useful as a marzipan dildo.
Team Chances Conceded
This is my favourite one. Why? Because it bears no resemblance whatsoever to perceived wisdom.
Worst?
Sheffield United. 48 chances given up already. Pathetic. Henderson is basically the
Arsenal/West Ham. 44 - okay less surprising
But what's this?
This is my favourite one. Why? Because it bears no resemblance whatsoever to perceived wisdom.
Worst?
Sheffield United. 48 chances given up already. Pathetic. Henderson is basically the
Arsenal/West Ham. 44 - okay less surprising
But what's this?
Villa - also 44. But I thought they were tight now? Nah. They have given up a staggering 23 chances from the left zone. Who the fuck is their right back, Pascal Cygan?
Oh and the whipping boys?
Bournemouth. Down in 11th on 34.
Norwich... just 30! That's the same as Liverpool...
Oh and the whipping boys?
Bournemouth. Down in 11th on 34.
Norwich... just 30! That's the same as Liverpool...
Conclusion
Buy KDB & Bruno, at all costs. Are Pulisic & Willian the double up nobody is talking about? Jesus is more due than a second wave. Auba has been very unlucky, as has Rashford. Hold them. Be strong.
Oh and Villa are absolutely fucking awful.
HM
Buy KDB & Bruno, at all costs. Are Pulisic & Willian the double up nobody is talking about? Jesus is more due than a second wave. Auba has been very unlucky, as has Rashford. Hold them. Be strong.
Oh and Villa are absolutely fucking awful.
HM
