im just gonna say it:
i talk to the ocean. and it is one of the most beautiful things ever. my favorite place to go is morro and behind the rock is a little beach. on the beach there is a row of rocks that cover the beach from the hard crashing waves. they are very tall.—

i climb the rocks and look over into the ocean and see the waves crashing into the rocks. so much water, so big and amazing. i listen to the waves and try to find answers while i talk to the water with my problems. last time i went (tuesday), i was talking to the ocean saying—

that i felt like i was losing faith in a lot of things including my relationship with God. it got to the point where i was crying, listening to the waves, with no one around. (tw: suicide) i had a very vivid thought of looking into the waves and just joining them as they—

crash into the rocks. it was such a scary thought that i never in a million years would have thought to myself,” i could just end it, now”. sitting on the rocks, i just keep staring into the distance of the ocean, thinking and singing and crying. —

i told myself over and over “lead me where my trust is without borders and let me walk upon the waters wherever u will call me” i finally got up after about 10 mins of just sitting there, went back to the place me and breanna were at. it is such a scary feeling man—

its indescribable, to think what could happen to me if i did something to myself that i would regret once i did the action. what could happen to my family, friends. i know i can only do so much. and sometimes i feel like i do too much. i still dont have the right words —

to describe everything, but i think the most important thing to remember (to me) is that there is and always will be a light at the end of the tunnel. no matter how much i may deny it, i have to believe it.