the thread no one asked for but you're all getting anyway: the absolute best shows to have on in the background to put you to sleep

did you grow up in a house where there was often a lot of loud noise or one where one or both of your parents would get angry and argue with the other at a high volume? then i suggest SHARK TANK for you! the constant anger from mr wonderful and mark cuban soothes my troubled soul

next we have Home Town. never has an hgtv series tried so hard (and failed so completely) at replicating what Chip and Joanna Gaines did than this shitshow. the banter is drab, the already-forced jokes fall flat consistently, and i'm asleep by the first commercial break

what's next, you ask? none other than lakefront bargain hunt, a show so oppressively rich and white that you may want to turn it off immediately. reader, i implore you to power through and consider watching emotionless couples aimlessly wander thru big lake houses. ko'd in 5 min

oh, i see. you want an hour-long version of a show that is perfect at 30 minutes. might i recommend House Hunters Renovation, where home buyers decide they want to put their midlife crisis to use and renovate entire homes. they are not good at it. REM by the 20 minute mark

i'm falling asleep right now despite my best efforts. why? well, friend, i find myself watching Bahamas Life this evening, where every house and every couple look exactly the same from one episode to the next. i was dozing off at 9:32 so this is a new record for this thread

finale this evening is the only show guaranteed to put me to sleep just by existing: House Hunters International. I shut my eyes so I don't have to see the intro, where they slap together a bunch of foreign-language and slang phrases together and call it a day. out in 10 seconds