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I was raised to believe that marrying a man in the temple and raising children w/ him was the best thing that could happen to me. It was the way to be happy.
On the other hand, never finding a man to marry in the temple was the worst thing that could happen to me.
On the other hand, never finding a man to marry in the temple was the worst thing that could happen to me.
It's overwhelming when I think about how many messages I received that told me that single (Mormon) women were lonely, unfulfilled, & miserable. I heard stories abt single women begging God for a husband and asking what was wrong with them. Sometimes from these women themselves.
When I was abt 11, I decided that if my life turned out that way I would not feel the way those women did. (A weird angle of internalized misogyny.) Of course, I wanted a husband and family. I wanted that life, but if it didn't happen I would be ~absolutely fine.
I used to think this resolution came as a result of fear of vulnerability/desire. I didn't want to admit how much it would hurt if it didn't happen so I planned for an alternative scenario.
Now, I'm wondering if I was afraid of it that "dream" coming true.
Now, I'm wondering if I was afraid of it that "dream" coming true.
In the church, happiness is not so much a feeling as a way of life. Happiness is often understood as what you do rather than what you feel. "Doing the right thing" is happiness.
Re-imagining what happiness could look like is hard & good.
Re-imagining what happiness could look like is hard & good.
