Twilight. New Moon. A rewatch.

That is definitely a Moon. We’ve got moons people.

Bella’s having a mid teenage crisis. THERES A GREY HAIR

Oh wow. A Digital Camera. I remember those

Aaaand here’s Edwards slow mo intro.

Aaaaand a bus hit him.

Oh shit. The captain of the Paw Patrol just showed up.

“Wass up biceps?”

“How’s it going grey hair?”

Bella:

Sad drama kids watching sad drama in class. Been there.

Edward Cullen. Sniffing high school girls before Joe Biden made it cool.

Oh shit a paper cut.

Jasper:

Nice use of visual storytelling though. Reminding the audience that she’s still just a Barbie girl in a Blood sucking Ken world.

“It’s still my birthday. Kiss me?”

Somewhere a crab is going:

God where TF do they live again? There’s NO sun ever??? Just gloomy misery and... Twilight...

“If you want my soul just TAKE IT!!”

Shang Tsung:

Aaaand she’s being bridal carried by a naked dude. :: trope alert ::

Closed Captioning like:

[Sad Ballad Playing]
[Bella Crying]
[Sexy Growling]

Bella’s having a John Wick Murder fantasy about those biker dicks that tormented her.

Yes let’s ride a motorcycle with a totally random dude.

Edward: Dont do anything reckless

Bella:

First time riding motorcycle.
::Crashes::

Me: Yep that’s about right.

Aaaand there goes Jacobs shirt.

Femme gaze intensifies:

Jacob: Vanishes

Bella: “ You cut your hair off and got a tattoo?”

J: Yeah I’m kinda going through a ... thing... right now.

Dammit Laurent why u gotta be all creepy and intimidating???

Paw Patrol ::appears::

Me: Awe yeah we’re about to have Pg-13 Underworld action.

A wild Jacob appears.

Half naked

Bella:

Edward: Dont do this Bella

Bella: Are you gonna stop ghosting me?

E: I...

B: YEET

Alice: I’ve never seen such life threatening idiocy!

Me: Is... is Bella a Skywalker???

Okay Eddie no need to be so dramatic by killing yourself

Edward : Commits life threatening idiocy

My god. Is Edward a Skywalker???

So Bella loves Edward and Jake???

Why not just solve this with a three way???

New Moon ladies and gents: