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Twilight. New Moon. A rewatch.
That is definitely a Moon. We’ve got moons people.
Bella’s having a mid teenage crisis. THERES A GREY HAIR
Oh wow. A Digital Camera. I remember those 
Aaaand here’s Edwards slow mo intro.
Aaaaand a bus hit him.
Aaaaand a bus hit him.
Oh shit. The captain of the Paw Patrol just showed up.
“Wass up biceps?”
“How’s it going grey hair?”
Bella:
“How’s it going grey hair?”
Bella:
Sad drama kids watching sad drama in class. Been there. 
Edward Cullen. Sniffing high school girls before Joe Biden made it cool. 
Oh shit a paper cut.
Jasper:
Jasper:
Nice use of visual storytelling though. Reminding the audience that she’s still just a Barbie girl in a Blood sucking Ken world.
“It’s still my birthday. Kiss me?”
Somewhere a crab is going:
Somewhere a crab is going:
God where TF do they live again? There’s NO sun ever??? Just gloomy misery and... Twilight... 
“If you want my soul just TAKE IT!!”
Shang Tsung:
Shang Tsung:
Aaaand she’s being bridal carried by a naked dude. :: 
trope alert ::
trope alert ::
Closed Captioning like:
[Sad Ballad Playing]
[Bella Crying]
[Sexy Growling]
[Sad Ballad Playing]
[Bella Crying]
[Sexy Growling]
Bella’s having a John Wick Murder fantasy about those biker dicks that tormented her.
Yes let’s ride a motorcycle with a totally random dude.
Edward: Dont do anything reckless
Bella:
Bella:
First time riding motorcycle.
::Crashes::
Me: Yep that’s about right.
::Crashes::
Me: Yep that’s about right.
Aaaand there goes Jacobs shirt.
Femme gaze intensifies:
Jacob: Vanishes
Bella: “ You cut your hair off and got a tattoo?”
J: Yeah I’m kinda going through a ... thing... right now.
Bella: “ You cut your hair off and got a tattoo?”
J: Yeah I’m kinda going through a ... thing... right now.
Dammit Laurent why u gotta be all creepy and intimidating???
Paw Patrol ::appears::
Me: Awe yeah we’re about to have Pg-13 Underworld action.
Me: Awe yeah we’re about to have Pg-13 Underworld action.
A wild Jacob appears.
Half naked
Bella:
Half naked
Bella:
Edward: Dont do this Bella
Bella: Are you gonna stop ghosting me?
E: I...
B: YEET
Bella: Are you gonna stop ghosting me?
E: I...
B: YEET
Alice: I’ve never seen such life threatening idiocy!
Me: Is... is Bella a Skywalker???
Me: Is... is Bella a Skywalker???
Okay Eddie no need to be so dramatic by killing yourself
Edward : Commits life threatening idiocy
My god. Is Edward a Skywalker???
My god. Is Edward a Skywalker???
So Bella loves Edward and Jake???
Why not just solve this with a three way???
Why not just solve this with a three way???
New Moon ladies and gents:
