7 years ago

My mom told me to give my dad a call, he wasn’t feeling too well

When I called him, he said everything was fine, he just got out of the hospital, he temporarily lost feelings in his legs & collapsed

Didn’t think anything of it

Few weeks later, she calls again..

This time she was more worried and said he was back in the hospital

When I called him he said he couldn’t feel his legs

Come to find out he had Pancreatic Cancer

I went on google to find out what that was..

I prepared myself for what was coming

At the moment I was in the Army stationed at Fort Carson, Colorado

My dad was living in Phoenix Arizona.

I had to make the drive out there to hang with him

I told my unit, my supervisor said they needed a Red Cross message in order to let me leave

....my dad is dying....a red cross message?

I have more than enough leave days (vacation days)

Just let me go......

The Red Cross finally called

My unit LET ME go for 10 days...

The key word is “let me”

The feeling of someone having control of when I can go somewhere and for how long was crushing me

I needed to be on the road, not waiting for some message

My family needed me

my pops needed me

I pack up my car and drove for 12 hours to Phoenix, Arizona

My dad was there in the hospital, laughing, clowning and sleeping a lot

He kept sending us out of the hospital

I don’t think he liked for people to see him physically weak

The doctors told us it wasn’t looking good and he wouldn’t have that long to live.

He would ask me things like should I keep going to radiation ( it was killing him faster)

I had no fucking clue what to answer, I would just keep saying

You’re a fighter dad, keep fighting

Day after day I would just hang with him

Keep in mind, I only have permission to be gone from unit for 10 days

Day 9 rolled around..

Doctors said he only has about 3/4 days left..

I called my unit and told my supervisor about what was going on and I needed a few more days..

She told me that my only option is to drive back to the unit

And I BETTER be there before my leave days are up or I would be marked AWOL

I know she could’ve let me stay and told the command what was going on...

She was playing some sick mind game

I drove 12 hours back to my unit

Filled out a piece a paper, she didn’t get it approved by the command until the next day

More games she was playing

But it allowed me to get some sleep

Woke up and started to make the drive back

Got the call that my dad has passed..

I wasn’t there

I could’ve been there but I wasn’t in control of my time

There’s no reason why I shouldn’t have been there

No matter my job
No matter where I’m located in the world

Nothing should hold me back

I needed freedom

I made the decision to place my freedom over everything in this world

I need to start taking things more serious so I can walk away from my job and live life on my own terms.

My father was gone
My safety net was gone

And I didn’t want to live asking for permission anymore

I didn’t have much anger toward her, how can I?

People will fuck you over if you give them the chance

People will take advantage, if you give the chance

In my mind, I just couldn’t give anyone else the chance

The only way to minimize the chances is to become self sufficient

Now that I’m a father it’s my duty to free myself of a job

My family is more important than any job anyone can offer

My time is limited, children will only be young for a flash in time, i’d rather spend this time with them vs sitting at a desk making someone else wealthy

7 years later I’ve very thankful to have experienced that

It taught me so much
It reminded me life isn’t a game

At any moment everything can change, you have to be prepared.

I started taking saving my money seriously

I was only 21, 3 years removed from being poor

No one can live this life for you, it’s yours

When it’s your time to die, you will die alone

If someone is effected by the outcome of a decision but you will be..

Than you need to be the decision maker

Don’t leave matters in anyone’s hands

Fight your fight

Find freedom