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Dear Arewa,
I may be wrong, but this is my personal opinion. I think some of our marriages break because our society places almost all the burden of responsibility on the wife. Yes, a husband should & must provide. But you dont expect a 22 year old girl to put her house in order!
I may be wrong, but this is my personal opinion. I think some of our marriages break because our society places almost all the burden of responsibility on the wife. Yes, a husband should & must provide. But you dont expect a 22 year old girl to put her house in order!
No offense to the ladies, but men are the more reasonable gender. As little as we are, we sometimes advise & guide our mothers. If anyone is to be reasoned with, it is definitely the husband! Let her be matured, malama & hafiza with PhD, she will still use her emotions to reason.
So why are almost all the lecture & marriage talks focused more on women? The man is the one absolutely responsible for putting his house in order. In Arewa, right from childhood, a girl is prepared & conditioned for marriage. She is taught how to cook, clean & organise the house
She is taught how to handle a child, wash poo, change diapers, dress & feed babies. She is taught how to bath her little ones & prepare them for school, how to go to market & buy the best food stuff. In fact, a 13 yr old cant open legs & sit anyhow without a mother correcting her
A 13 yr old Arewa lady can do all these. But our boys? Almost nothing. When they come back from school, they will throw their uniform & socks on the floor, pick their football & go out. When they are back, the mother will tell them to go to kitchen & pick their well covered food
Most of our men go to the market for the first time in their life when they get married. He doesnt know how to differentiate good & bad tomatoes. He will be given that hardened part of meat, at expensive price too. In fact, most of us dont even know how to properly hold a baby!
Dont even talk of changing diapers. We grew up believing their is chores for men & chores for women. Some of us grew up thinking our sisters are meant to lay our bed, sweep our room & even clean our toilet. That is why almost all young guys away from homes have disorganised room.
If you clean your room, lay your bed, boys will say you are behaving like a girl. In fact, the only time some boys clean their room is when a girlfriend is coming over. That dirty room & toilet can transform in 10 mins. Sorry I broke the bro code guys. Ours is just to do gayu.
Nobody gives us any lecture on marriage. We struggle ourselves & learn from our environment. I can bet you that most of us that married never got 1hr lecture on marriage from our dads. Sometimes the only lecture we receive is from our friends that accompany us on the 1st night.
And the society expects a boy raised like this to cope just like that? No guidance, no training, no direction, only what he feels is right or reads in books i.e if he even reads? We are all left alone to our fate & expect good husbands out of nowhere? We are not magic beings pls!
The worst are the parents that dump poorly raised boys on innocent girls to rehabilitate. A boy will destabilize his own parents, pass through rehabilitation centers & still be wayward. Then one uncle will think getting him married can change him. And we dont see a problem here?
I believe there are shared & individual responsibilities. Islam made the woman to be the treasure. You are to feed, house, cloth, protect & tend to her needs. The husband has the right to divorce (at will) by mere pronouncement. Why then should the focus be mostly on women?
I dont know who needs to hear this but our boys really need guidance. There is so much pressure & expectations on us. We are not allowed to show weakness or our emotions. Pls, we are HUMANS too. Hell the society doesnt even expect a boy to cry! This right here, is your time bomb!
N.B
Tweet started with "I may be wrong", "my personal opinion" & "I think". In summary, all I am saying is use same energy in raising good boys like you do for girls. Those that picked 1 sentence & labelled me as "feminist" & "misogynist" I can tell you this is a confusing combo.
Tweet started with "I may be wrong", "my personal opinion" & "I think". In summary, all I am saying is use same energy in raising good boys like you do for girls. Those that picked 1 sentence & labelled me as "feminist" & "misogynist" I can tell you this is a confusing combo.
