I am sorry. I have let people down. I held an unconscious bias against disabled, chronically ill and neurodivergent people that affected my actions, my decisions and my company.

These biases were highlighted by a recent, very enlightening accessibility consultancy, as well as individuals coming forward about the harm I had caused them

I’ll recommend the consultant at another time and not in this context

I have been annoyed at people who have had completely valid reasons for leaving shows at the last minute.

This lead to Policies which were ableist and harmful to disabled, chronically ill and neurodivergent community members

I should have been a better friend, instead I was very business focussed.

This focus led to others, people I call friend, feeling hurt and used by the channel. They were hurting and I let financial concerns come before that hurt.

I've begun correcting this, holding myself accountable with the moderator team.

I kept this private, I didn't want to seize the narrative or pre-empt a statement from anyone.

Most of all, I didn't want to put a statement out there without making sure I had the concrete actions to back it up

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So a little bit of self reflection and accountability from me. In the past i have wondered why some people feel pushed away or accuse me of being a performative ally.

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A recent accessibility consultancy revealed to me some actions that I have taken in the past that have driven people away.

It is a shame that they have moved on, all I can do at this point is learn and grow.

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I don't have the ability to apologise to them, and if I did I can't be sure that I am correct in my assumption that this was a driving factor. but apologies have several parts including an understanding of what went wrong, and a promise not to let it happen again.

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So to all of you as my monitors I apologise that in the past i have been annoyed at peoples inability to attend games regularly, that my expectations document was not inclusive of Neurodiverse or Chronically ill/disabled people and I made decisions-

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which may well have made people feel less like friends and more like assets.

Rather than be annoyed I should have found different ways to make those people feel like a part of the academy.

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I have changed those documents and I will not let this happen again, ever.

Thank you

I became frustrated with a friend, confirming their underlying worries that as a chronically ill person they were annoying and upsetting me.

I have a very recent policy addition which condemns this behaviour. It is wrong. https://bit.ly/ScratCastExpectations

Policy addition as of the 30th June
“This clause is flexible for disabled and chronically ill people. Cast members will be informed in advance of any players with requirements, and any annoyance or ignorance towards any player's absence or requirements will not be tolerated.”

The academy will grow to be better.

And by the academy I mean me.

I don’t make hollow statements, I follow up on the things that I say I will do, so lets make some actionable items

I will undergo further consultancy in breaking down unconscious bias, I will listen, I will learn, I will grow

My next consultancy will be a personal behaviour therapy. I will see what options I have but hopefully a training course that I can take to correct my inherent prejudice

I have grown into a habit of letting people who have a difficult time at the academy sit out for a season or two.

Though some benefit from the break, I realise that may not be best practice for everyone

I will revise this policy of communication with players who cannot consistently reappear at the academy.

The academy’s focus will always be on new players, but that drive has led to some feeling used and tossed aside to make room for others.

I need to find other ways that they can remain linked to the Academy

I also recognise that I cannot please everyone. However this knowledge should not stop me from having hard conversations.

Avoiding an issue, even a disagreement only makes them worse.

I will create an aftercare package to offer players who have been featured in the Academy and helped us bring in the new generation of gamers.

I am not sure how this will look yet, perhaps a prestigious role in our discord, maybe putting them in contact with our network of other streamers. Even just creating an open space for them to give me feedback and discuss their future in gaming... something!

This last one is difficult.

My number one focus is business. I work damn hard and that drive allows me to exist in this space. However, I currently work too much.

I also need to be a better friend. My business drive has impeded my ability to maintain friendships and that needs to change

I am not sure how this will look yet, but I need to get better at managing my time. Maybe this looks like delegation (Though I begrudge delegating to people that I cannot pay)

Maybe this looks like better time management, to make more time for friends

I have a business model that works, but I hate the idea that people feel tossed aside once they have finished being useful. I need to find and address ways to change that.

Over the next 3 months I am going to deliver on the current things listed in my action plan and get some professional consultancies in regards to these problems that I am unsure on with a view to update the action plan with new goals in October that will directly address issues

I cannot see what has been said, I am blocked and I respect that as a boundary.

I do not expect the people who have come forward to unblock me or accept my apology

I deeply regret that it took people being hurt and coming forward to bring this change forward

This vow is not only to seek others to help me be better but to seriously reflect on my unconscious bias and interactions

I am personally grateful to any for coming forward and saying something as it has given me a chance to learn and grow.

I don’t react to calls for change and growth with denial, accountability is a necessity to growth and I do not see it as a punishment.

This is an opportunity to be better