TW// suicide

Im sorry this is long BUT this for CMs who are willing to risk their lives for the company

From 2015-2018 D*sney WAS MY LIFE, I could not understand at the time why it was so dangerous to think so (1/21) https://twitter.com/lostblackboy/status/1278320186135908354

Anyone who knew me prior to late 2018 knew that I was a proud workaholic. For the longest time my job was the only thing I thought I had going for me. It WAS my life. I didn’t let myself have time off and consistently overworked myself (2/21)

By fall 2018 I was so consumed with this need to prove my worth to my JOB that I had lost any bit of sanity I had left. I completely lost touch with reality. My friends told me during that time they couldn’t recognize me (3/21)

After near suicide attempt (one of the reasons being FROM WORK) I starting therapy. But By then I still was giving tours while training for another one hoping it would prove my dedication. (4/21)

I didn’t sleep for nearly a week. The night before my final day of training I was only running on TWO 5 hour energy drinks, closed my eyes while driving bc I was so tired and totaled my car. I was in pain and the cops (lol ACAB) asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital (5/21)

And I said NO. Despite how I was SOBBING in the middle of the street, I had training in 8 hours and I could not miss it. Afterwards I STILL didn’t go to the hospital because my PA was three days later and I needed to studied and I NEEDED to pass (6/21)

PA day happens, I pass. My body was still in pain and I didn’t have a car but I passed my assessment so I felt like that was all I needed. Oh boy was I called tf out!! (7/21)

I’m casually telling my therapist this quirky story of how I almost killed myself during my first tour training and nearly died in the middle of my 2nd tour training. But I still kept working!! Look how much I’ve given to the company :’) (8/21)

she asked what would have done if I HAD to go to the hospital, if I HAD to miss my PA and couldn’t work. Without hesistation I said “I would have nothing, I would have nothing with d*sneylans and work”

It was the first time I heard myself say that out loud. (9/21)

I started SOBBING and all within moments I felt so heavy realizing the amount of pain, abuse, and self inflicted torture I endured for a JOB that would have been okay if I didn’t walk in tomorrow. I could have killed Myself or died for the company and they wouldn’t care (10/21)

Finding myself was hard and honestly painful. I took A LOT of breaks from work and enjoyed off season. I wrote more, I spent time with friends, kept going to therapy, went on medication and found happiness in things quiet (11/21

In March 2019 I went back to school and I discovered the career I want to go into that I finally realized I’m passionate about (that has nothing to do a T*W*D*C). I said no to picking up shifts, to certain areas of work, i struggled but I placed my boundaries (12/21)

I still would panic calling out, I still felt like I was guilted into extending. Wanna know what happens? THEY FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT but with practice and saying the word no I found myself finding peace beyond work. I didn’t feel lost w/o my job (13/21)

Looking back the spiral doesn’t start strong. But it grows and it is pushed by the company, dangling prizes and little kernels of praise. People in power use those at the bottom trying to tell them they’re part of a team when reallt everyone is replaceable.(14/21)

But you can’t see that from the inside, you can’t see how far you are until suddenly your life is literally pushed to it’s limits. Until you’re in a hospital or trying to fight going to a hospital because you can’t bare to miss work. It’s all a facade (15/21)

Why am I here making this thread!? Because there is NOTHING MAGICAL about a job that is making you risk your life. You are not “special to them” you are labor. I dead ass could have killed my self in 2018 and someone else would have taken out my tour (16/21)

I see CMs who are saying they NEED to go back to work, they’re empty without it, they have nothing without d*sney and they only know they’re job and I cannot stress how dangerous that is, ESPECIALLY DURING A PANDEMIC (17/21)

Covid-19 doesn’t care how much you love your job, the company doesn’t care how it’s your happy place. It doesn’t care if you’re the person who will show up on your deathbeds. The moment you’re gone they have someone else in your spot. You are a number (18/21)

Please I beg of you to allow yourself to find peace beyond impressing a multi billion dollar company. Your life is worth so much, your health is worth more than the most magaical place on earth. You are an individual- not a number. (19/21)

This is something I WISH someone told me sooner. Years ago I would be on the front line on opening day not caring about my health.

But you have to, because the company won’t. (20/21)

That video about W*DW workers coming back to work scares me because y’all are worry so so so much more. Please take care of yourself. I wish I had. And finding myself beyond a job was one of the best things I’ve done for myself. Please be kind (21/21)