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seen a lot of slur discourse on the tl lately so, as a dyke, here’s my take- pls read this, esp if ur a wlw, and consider a rt. a lot of the conversations i’ve seen have been kinda reductive and tend to oversimplify things (thread):
first of all, the experiences of mlm and wlw are not 1:1 equivalent, this is a very binary way of thinking. to say that “well all mlm (can/cant) say the f slur so it’s the same for all wlw” ignores a whole lot of shit and is simply untrue 1/
my impression of the fslur, based on experience/dialogue, is that its a bit broader+ used against most visibly lgbt ppl. HOWEVER it primarily targets mlm, and refers to attraction/sex btw men. hence, bi men easily get called this as well even tho it mostly victimizes gay men 2/
the dslur is not the same tho. it literally means lesbian, that’s the commonly held definition of the term. if you call yourself a dyke, youre calling yourself a lesbian. so if youre not one, this is erasing part of your identity. do with that what you will 3/
to understand the issue w the dslur, you have to understand that lesbians are oppressed not only bc of our samesex attraction, but because we explicitly+ inherently exclude men. our existence is in direct opposition to the patriarchy and the way we’re treated reflects this 4/
so we are stereotyped as fat, hairy, ugly, crass- undesirable in the eyes of society in almost every conceivable way. notice the difference between these stereotypes and ones about bi women. it’s not a coincidence, not all wlw are considered failed women the way lesbians are 5/
if you’ve never had your identity weaponized into an insult, take it from me, it fucking hurts. and it’s major factor into why it takes many lesbians, including myself, such a long time to feel comfortable labeling themselves as such 6/
bc under the patriarchy, our concept of womanhood is shaped entirely by mens desires. so for someone to reject entirely what is at the core of that concept, surely there must be something wrong with her 7/
this is why we see lesbian used as an insult, and why it even gets used against straight women when they fail to conform to traditional gender roles/beauty standards. dyke is an insult bc lesbian is an insult- all it is is a more derogatory way to call someone a lesbian 8/
so to sum up the key dif between f*g and dyke: f*g refers to attraction to men, and dyke refers to the LACK of that. both are rooted in violence 9/
obviously homophobes dont find out if a persons bi or pan or str8 before calling them a slur. but bear in mind that theyre using the slur bc they are insulting u by calling u a rude word for a gay man or lesbian 10/
just bc someone is lesbophobic to u when ur not a lesbian doesnt mean u are oppressed by lesbophobia!! even if u get called a dyke its not ur identity being weaponized so think twice before trying to reclaim it 11/
but if, for ex, as bi woman ur material reality is functionally the same as a lesbian, i think its fine- so like if u experience attraction to men/man-aligned n-bs but arent currently dating them and dont plan to in the future, go fuckin nuts call urself dyke all u want 12/
but dont?? use it?? if ur actively involved w ppl of the “”opposite”” gender ?????? just bc theres an argument that u *could* say a slur doesn’t mean u *should* say it... like why do u want to say a slur so bad !!!! 13/
just bc i’m not cis doesn’t mean i’m going to go around using the tslur because i recognize that to do so would be INSENSITIVE and likely make many trans people very uncomfortable!!!! 14/
it’s not a cut and dry situation but at the end of the day, most of the time i see nonlesbians use the word dyke, it makes me deeply uncomfortable 15/
so tldr just be considerate of the people the slur does target when not misdirected- if someone says it makes them uncomfortable, dont. use. it. respect boundaries. bc ultimately we do share many experiences and should focus on fighting oppression as allies (16/end thread)
ps! shouldn’t need to be said but don’t call someone a slur if you don’t know they’re comfortable with it- this includes queer!! its been broadly reclaimed but many ppl are still targeted by it!!!!
