I feel I should update for those who have been wondering why I've been practically radio silent for the most part lately in comments under this post.

1. I'm going through what I consider to be the hardest part of therapy. I am processing a lot of trauma this body had throughout its childhood through EMDR treatment, and it is very rough on me mentally (cont.)

it basically feels like wounds have been reopened to heal again, but they are fresh and raw once again.

2. I only recently found out I've been integrating with this body's former host. I used to refer to her as "original host," but, truth be told, I don't even know who the true "original host" of this body is. all I know is (cont.)

she was host for the majority of this body's life. so I've been regaining even more traumatic memories from her. so just even more processing of trauma for me on the side.

so I haven't been doing so hot mentally at all. I don't know when I'll be back to "normal." but I at least know that, by the end of this, I'll probably be a different person than who I was before (cont.)

and I'm sorry to those who are probably getting tired of me changing so much. but this is actually needed for the body's brain, and, as the host, I am doing the best I can to get all the help this body's brain can get, even if it affects me a lot.

so all I ask for is understanding and patience. and for those who knew this body years ago to shed that image because I no longer am that person. I account for mistakes that were made, but, at the same time, I'm very different today than I was back then.

and sorry if the comments barely make any sense. I'm actually pretty sure I've been actively dissociating the whole time while typing this thread.