TENET press screening tonight on John Stankey’s yacht. Movie will start once we hit international waters. They can’t stop us. DM for details, real critics only #tenet

Boarding now. Beautiful day out - that’s one of the Collider guys

Everyone watching gets one of these. Have missed the perks of the critic lifestyle

Rowan just pulled up at the dock - should be setting sail soon

Just hit international waters. It’s time to start the show. Nolan is doing a Q&A. Said we’ll all get to hang with him after the movie. So freaking cool but I might hang back a bit to tweet my thoughts first

Fuck fuck this is so fucked. Tweeting from bathroom. A few minutes into the movie (spectacular opening sequence) a bunch of guys from r/Nolan rolled up on speed boats and jet skis. They have sticks of dynamite and are threatening to throw aboard if we don’t airdrop them the movie

They’ve taken Nolan

Back in the bathroom, painting Joker makeup on my face with some of the SlashFilm guys. Stankey says if we can get Nolan back, he’ll let us watch Wonder Woman 1984. Makeup is strictly discretionary as we may need to cross borders

Very lost. It’s dark and neither me nor the editor of io9 know how to navigate by the stars. He’s reading the wiki for celestial navigation now but we’ve more or less given up on finding Nolan

Figured out which one was the North star but then Coast Guard picked up our jet ski apparently not far off the California coast. Because of the Joker makeup and grenade launchers Stankey gave us were having a hard time explaining ourselves. That said as a critic I will not snitch

Rowan Atkinson showed up to bail us out. Don’t know what he said to the Coast Guard guys but we’re on a bus home now. Though I only caught the first few minutes I feel comfortable saying that TENET is a triumph. Top three Nolan